Grooming

No country for old men

Movies' Worst Hairstyles

Some would have it that Hollywood distorts life by offering up an airbrushed and impossibly idealized version of reality.

These people have obviously never seen some of the hairstyles this motley crew have been forced to endure, all in the name of cinema.

So, with a heavy heart and fulsome apologies for the absurd spectacle that follows, we offer for you the 50 worst haircuts in the history of moving pictures.

Are there any we’ve missed? You can have your tuppence worth below the line. Don’t get mad, get typing…

(Images: All Star)

  • Frank T.J. Mackey (Tom Cruise)

    Frank T.J. Mackey (Tom Cruise)

    Film: Magnolia Men, listen up and think of the wisdom… More details

    Frank T.J. Mackey (Tom Cruise)

    Frank T.J. Mackey (Tom Cruise)

    Film: Magnolia

    Men, listen up and think of the wisdom we’re about to impart as some unofficial eleventh commandment: thou shall never look good with a pony tail. Even if you’re as really, really good looking as Tom Cruise.

  • Ernie McCracken (Bill Murray)

    Ernie McCracken (Bill Murray)

    Film: Kingpin Sometimes the sum of two things can exceed… More details

    Ernie McCracken (Bill Murray)

    Ernie McCracken (Bill Murray)

    Film: Kingpin

    Sometimes the sum of two things can exceed the constituent parts. So, imagine if you will a lurid combination of Bobby Charlton’s iconic comb-over and Donald Trump’s bouffant. Not a hairdo; more a hairdon’t.

  • David Kleinfeld (Sean Penn)

    David Kleinfeld (Sean Penn)

    Film: Carlito’s Way Such was Penn’s dedication to… More details

    David Kleinfeld (Sean Penn)

    David Kleinfeld (Sean Penn)

    Film: Carlito’s Way

    Such was Penn’s dedication to getting the hair of Carlito’s sleazy lawyer just right (or wrong) he shaved his head – to give the appearance of a receding hairline – and permed the rest. The result was a ghastly, spaghetti-hooped, mess. Rather memorable though.

  • David Wooderson (Matthew McConaughey)

    David Wooderson (Matthew Mc…

    Film: Dazed And Confused He might be responsible for some… More details

    David Wooderson (Matthew McConaughey)

    David Wooderson (Matthew McConaughey)

    Film: Dazed And Confused

    He might be responsible for some of the film’s best lines (sample dialogue: ‘That's what I love about these high school girls, man. I get older, they stay the same age’ and ‘The older you get, the more rules they are going to try and get you to follow. You just gotta keep on livin', man. L-I-V-I-N.’), but Woody Wooderson’s hair just resembled an overgrown page boy’s unforgiving barnet. With added tache. Not cool.

  • John Baxter (Donald Sutherland)

    John Baxter (Donald Sutherl…

    Film: Don’t Look Now Don’t Look Now is one of the most… More details

    John Baxter (Donald Sutherland)

    John Baxter (Donald Sutherland)

    Film: Don’t Look Now

    Don’t Look Now is one of the most psychologically torturous films of all-time. And not just because of the script. Donald Sutherland’s luxurious, none-more-Seventies perm looks like something you’d rather lay on in front of a log fire than have on top of your bonce.

  • Bobby Pellitt (Colin Farrell)

    Bobby Pellitt (Colin Farrell)

    Film: Horrible Bosses If movie hairstyles are designed to… More details

    Bobby Pellitt (Colin Farrell)

    Bobby Pellitt (Colin Farrell)

    Film: Horrible Bosses

    If movie hairstyles are designed to be shorthand for a character’s persona, Bobby Pellitt’s greasy comb-over is spot-on. His hair is that which only a tool could be proud of. Bobby Pellitt is a tool.

  • Randall Hertzel (Dermot Mulroney)

    Randall Hertzel (Dermot Mul…

    Film: About Schmidt Although many men fight the urge –… More details

    Randall Hertzel (Dermot Mulroney)

    Randall Hertzel (Dermot Mulroney)

    Film: About Schmidt

    Although many men fight the urge – yep, Alan Shearer we’re talking to you – when their hair starts to thin, it’s best just to get rid. Unfortunately Randall Hertzel seems to side with the BBC’s most insightful pundit’s skewed thinking, combing it back and hoping no one will notice amid the dreadful Village People handlebar moustache. No such luck, Randall.

  • Ivan Drago (Dolph Lundgren)

    Ivan Drago (Dolph Lundgren)

    Film: Rocky IV Looking towards Rocky movies for style… More details

    Ivan Drago (Dolph Lundgren)

    Ivan Drago (Dolph Lundgren)

    Film: Rocky IV

    Looking towards Rocky movies for style inspiration is obviously a no-no from the outset, but Ivan ‘I Must Break You’ Drago’s fearsome hedgehog spike was suitably ridiculous. Especially, when it flopped like an inebriated pensioner’s willy after his bout with Rocky.

  • Simon Phoenix (Wesley Snipes)

    Simon Phoenix (Wesley Snipes)

    Film: Demolition Man From the entire 1998 Romanian football… More details

    Simon Phoenix (Wesley Snipes)

    Simon Phoenix (Wesley Snipes)

    Film: Demolition Man

    From the entire 1998 Romanian football team to Mark Ronson via Jared Leto, men should never ever bleach their hair blonde. The temptation to try out some surfer dude aesthetic might be overwhelming, but in reality it just looks as though you’ve been hanging out in a pub snug in the Seventies getting properly nicotine stained. Such was Wesley Snipes’s fate in the otherwise forgettable Demolition Man.

  • Drexl Spivey (Gary Oldman)

    Drexl Spivey (Gary Oldman)

    Film: True Romance Another hair warning: white men with… More details

    Drexl Spivey (Gary Oldman)

    Drexl Spivey (Gary Oldman)

    Film: True Romance

    Another hair warning: white men with dreadlocks. You have been told. For further proof see John Travolta in Battlefield Earth.

  • Sara ‘Sway’ Wayland (Angelina Jolie)

    Sara ‘Sway’ Wayland (An…

    Film: Gone In 60 Seconds And women, consider yourselves… More details

    Sara ‘Sway’ Wayland (Angelina Jolie)

    Sara ‘Sway’ Wayland (Angelina Jolie)

    Film: Gone In 60 Seconds

    And women, consider yourselves given a, ahem, head’s up too. Dreads on white women are pony. Look, even Angelina Jolie can’t pull it off. The bleach don’t help much either.

  • Anton Chigurh (Javier Bardem)

    Anton Chigurh (Javier Bardem)

    Film: No Country For Old Men Javier Bardem is a devilishly… More details

    Anton Chigurh (Javier Bardem)

    Anton Chigurh (Javier Bardem)

    Film: No Country For Old Men

    Javier Bardem is a devilishly good looking chap. In No Country For Old Men however, his hair was a disturbing mix of 12-year-old Amish girl and Oompa Loompa. Apparently he was so distressed by his ‘bob’, that co-star Josh Brolin was moved to caution that Bardem was depressed by the experience. “He felt like he wouldn’t have sex for three months. Full-blown depression. I mean, bad.”

  • King Koopa (Dennis Hopper)

    King Koopa (Dennis Hopper)

    Dennis Hopper starred in some of the most iconic movies… More details

    King Koopa (Dennis Hopper)

    King Koopa (Dennis Hopper)

    Dennis Hopper starred in some of the most iconic movies ever: Rebel Without A Cause, Easy Rider, Apocalypse Now, Blue Velvet, True Romance etc, and yet, we can’t let this regrettable decision slide. The film and the hair. His blonde knotted tieback was the kind of thing only Bjork could get away with. Yeah, that wacky.

  • David (Kiefer Sutherland)

    David (Kiefer Sutherland)

    Film: The Lost Boys This abominable creation could have… More details

    David (Kiefer Sutherland)

    David (Kiefer Sutherland)

    Film: The Lost Boys

    This abominable creation could have made the list three times; such is its grotesque manner. First up – the wayward spike; second – the bleached blonde ‘look’; third – the straggly long bits at the back. A trio of terror, a triumvirate of trepidation; three ways to look toss. Eek.

  • Mugatu (Will Ferrell)

    Mugatu (Will Ferrell)

    Film: Zoolander For an industry predicated on looking good,… More details

    Mugatu (Will Ferrell)

    Mugatu (Will Ferrell)

    Film: Zoolander

    For an industry predicated on looking good, the fashion world doesn’t half throw up some funny looking characters. Was Will Ferrell’s Mugatu some warped take on designer Karl Lagerfeld – with added poodle on top? Who knows, but Mugatu’s bonce is one of the most overblown hair disasters we’ve ever had the misfortune of casting our innocent eyes upon. Perfect for the fashion world in other words.

  • Martin Riggs (Mel Gibson)

    Martin Riggs (Mel Gibson)

    Film: Lethal Weapon Something funny happened to hair in the… More details

    Martin Riggs (Mel Gibson)

    Martin Riggs (Mel Gibson)

    Film: Lethal Weapon

    Something funny happened to hair in the Eighties. It just got more and more voluminous. With hindsight we can laugh at it now and just count ourselves fortunate we weren’t old enough to indulge.

  • Steff McKee (James Spader)

    Steff McKee (James Spader)

    Film: Pretty In Pink Another case in point. Just make it… More details

    Steff McKee (James Spader)

    Steff McKee (James Spader)

    Film: Pretty In Pink

    Another case in point. Just make it stop. Didn’t they have mirrors back then or something?

  • Alexander the Great (Colin Farrell)

    Alexander the Great (Colin …

    Film: Alexander Lethal Weapon grandiosity meets The Lost… More details

    Alexander the Great (Colin Farrell)

    Alexander the Great (Colin Farrell)

    Film: Alexander

    Lethal Weapon grandiosity meets The Lost Boys bleached blonde badness. Epic fail as the Twitter generation would have it.

  • Johnny Suede (Brad Pitt)

    Johnny Suede (Brad Pitt)

    Film: Johnny Suede Keeping up an image can be a full time… More details

    Johnny Suede (Brad Pitt)

    Johnny Suede (Brad Pitt)

    Film: Johnny Suede

    Keeping up an image can be a full time job was Johnny Suede’s tag line. Keeping up that quiff must take a lifetime. A cautionary tale about what happens when you become a slave to ‘style’.

  • Jareth The Goblin King (David Bowie)

    Jareth The Goblin King (Dav…

    Film: Labyrinth See The Lost Boys. Wrong on so many levels. More details

    Jareth The Goblin King (David Bowie)

    Jareth The Goblin King (David Bowie)

    Film: Labyrinth

    See The Lost Boys. Wrong on so many levels.

  • Vincent Vega (John Travolta)

    Vincent Vega (John Travolta)

    Film: Pulp Fiction Curtains have many uses, however, they… More details

    Vincent Vega (John Travolta)

    Vincent Vega (John Travolta)

    Film: Pulp Fiction

    Curtains have many uses, however, they should not be seen on a man’s head. Vincent Vega’s dreaded combed-back lifeless haircut is one of few missteps in Pulp Fiction, which probably makes it all the better because of it.

  • Clay Shaw (Tommy Lee Jones)

    Clay Shaw (Tommy Lee Jones)

    Film: JFK Oliver Stone obviously wanted to play up the… More details

    Clay Shaw (Tommy Lee Jones)

    Clay Shaw (Tommy Lee Jones)

    Film: JFK

    Oliver Stone obviously wanted to play up the flamboyant air of JFK suspect Clay Shaw, but donning Tommy Lee Jones in a white poodle wig was just laughable.

  • Charlie Fineman (Adam Sandler)

    Charlie Fineman (Adam Sandler)

    Film: Reign Over Me The urge to scream get it cut is… More details

    Charlie Fineman (Adam Sandler)

    Charlie Fineman (Adam Sandler)

    Film: Reign Over Me

    The urge to scream get it cut is unbearable. Unless Sandler is going for an honorary member of the Bob Dylan crap hair society look. In which case, it’s a winner. But not in a good way. If you get what we’re trying to say.

  • Randy ‘The Ram’ Robinson (Mickey Rourke)

    Randy ‘The Ram’ Robinso…

    Film: The Wrestler We’re all for breaking rules, but some… More details

    Randy ‘The Ram’ Robinson (Mickey Rourke)

    Randy ‘The Ram’ Robinson (Mickey Rourke)

    Film: The Wrestler

    We’re all for breaking rules, but some conventions (never employing the hair of hair metal for instance) are there to help us.

  • Gerald ‘Stone’ Creeson (Ed Norton)

    Gerald ‘Stone’ Creeson …

    Film: Stone White men attempting to look black is a… More details

    Gerald ‘Stone’ Creeson (Ed Norton)

    Gerald ‘Stone’ Creeson (Ed Norton)

    Film: Stone

    White men attempting to look black is a constant source of amusement. In this case, braiding one’s hair. No, no, and thrice no.

  • Dracula (Gary Oldman)

    Dracula (Gary Oldman)

    Film: Bram Stoker’s Dracula If you were an immortal… More details

    Dracula (Gary Oldman)

    Dracula (Gary Oldman)

    Film: Bram Stoker’s Dracula

    If you were an immortal Transylvanian vampire wouldn’t you want your hair to look fly? You wouldn’t want it to look like two balls of wool perched at the back of your head, surely?

  • Ruby Rhod (Chris Tucker)

    Ruby Rhod (Chris Tucker)

    Film: The Fifth Element Even in a movie that is hammed up… More details

    Ruby Rhod (Chris Tucker)

    Ruby Rhod (Chris Tucker)

    Film: The Fifth Element

    Even in a movie that is hammed up beyond all recognition, there is still no excuse for Chris Tucker’s blonde toilet roll ejaculating out of his head. An honourable mention must go to Gary Oldman’s half-David Bowie fringe too. Ridicule is something to be scared of in this case.

  • Lloyd Christmas (Jim Carrey)

    Lloyd Christmas (Jim Carrey)

    Film: Dumb & Dumber An object lesson in what happens… More details

    Lloyd Christmas (Jim Carrey)

    Lloyd Christmas (Jim Carrey)

    Film: Dumb & Dumber

    An object lesson in what happens when a grown man lets his mum loose on his hair.

  • Harry Dunne (Jeff Daniels)

    Harry Dunne (Jeff Daniels)

    Film: Dumb & Dumber An object lesson in what happens… More details

    Harry Dunne (Jeff Daniels)

    Harry Dunne (Jeff Daniels)

    Film: Dumb & Dumber

    An object lesson in what happens when a grown man doesn’t let anyone loose on his hair.

  • Cameron Poe (Nicolas Cage)

    Cameron Poe (Nicolas Cage)

    Film: Con Air Nicolas Cage has a rep for dodgy hair… More details

    Cameron Poe (Nicolas Cage)

    Cameron Poe (Nicolas Cage)

    Film: Con Air

    Nicolas Cage has a rep for dodgy hair onscreen – see Adaptation, Next and many more – but his absolute nadir was this long hair monstrosity in Con Air, in which he resembled the cowardly lion from The Wizard of Oz. At least we know where Nickelback’s Chad Kroeger got his inspiration from. Dire.

  • Napoleon Dynamite (Jon Heder)

    Napoleon Dynamite (Jon Heder)

    Film: Napoleon Dynamite We could have been contrary and… More details

    Napoleon Dynamite (Jon Heder)

    Napoleon Dynamite (Jon Heder)

    Film: Napoleon Dynamite

    We could have been contrary and gone for Heder’s dodgy barnet in Blades of Glory, but really, this list would have been incomplete without Dynamite’s none-explosive bird’s nest. Intentionally wrong and then some.

  • Raymond ‘Ray’ Gleason (Ted Danson)

    Raymond ‘Ray’ Gleason (…

    Film: Getting Even With Dad Ted Danson’s hair has always… More details

    Raymond ‘Ray’ Gleason (Ted Danson)

    Raymond ‘Ray’ Gleason (Ted Danson)

    Film: Getting Even With Dad

    Ted Danson’s hair has always been a bit of a mystery – is he really bald? Does he wear a hairpiece? So, logically you’d think he wouldn’t draw attention to it. Not so, as this inexplicable pony tail tacked onto a regulation short, back and sides demonstrates.

  • Lucius Malfoy (Jason Isaacs)

    Lucius Malfoy (Jason Isaacs)

    Film: Harry Potter It’s perhaps fitting that the… More details

    Lucius Malfoy (Jason Isaacs)

    Lucius Malfoy (Jason Isaacs)

    Film: Harry Potter

    It’s perhaps fitting that the fascist-like Malfoy has a haircut that only idiots would like. Such blonde lengths might look good on a Californian swimwear model, but on a chap? Nope.

  • Jacob Black (Taylor Lautner)

    Jacob Black (Taylor Lautner)

    Film: Twilight We’re relaxed enough to realise Taylor… More details

    Jacob Black (Taylor Lautner)

    Jacob Black (Taylor Lautner)

    Film: Twilight

    We’re relaxed enough to realise Taylor Lautner is good looking – in a kind of stereotypical boyish manner – but with a wig? No. He looks like a confused girl going goth to annoy her parents because they wouldn’t buy her a pony.

  • Dr. Strangelove (Peter Sellers)

    Dr. Strangelove (Peter Sell…

    Film: Dr Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and… More details

    Dr. Strangelove (Peter Sellers)

    Dr. Strangelove (Peter Sellers)

    Film: Dr Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb

    The overgrown fringe, the highlights and the suspicious kink all serve to prepare you for the sinister Dr. Strangelove. Never trust a man whose hair has too much going on.

  • Billy Hicks (Rob Lowe)

    Billy Hicks (Rob Lowe)

    Film: St Elmo’s Fire Not only does it carry all the… More details

    Billy Hicks (Rob Lowe)

    Billy Hicks (Rob Lowe)

    Film: St Elmo’s Fire

    Not only does it carry all the hallmarks of Eighties excess – too much product, too much hair, too much everything – this hairstyle is ridiculously in love with itself. It’s meant to signify some kind of rock’n’roll outlaw; in reality it just looks a hairspray manufacturer’s wet dream.

  • Walter Sobchak (John Goodman)

    Walter Sobchak (John Goodman)

    Film: The Big Lebowski Brutal, very ex-military, not to be… More details

    Walter Sobchak (John Goodman)

    Walter Sobchak (John Goodman)

    Film: The Big Lebowski

    Brutal, very ex-military, not to be messed with – not to be aspired to either. Grown out crew cuts are never cool. We imagine the Coen Brothers and John Goodman did not arrive at this ‘style’ by accident.

  • Willy Wonka (Johnny Depp)

    Willy Wonka (Johnny Depp)

    Film: Charlie and the Chocolate Factory Just because Anna… More details

    Willy Wonka (Johnny Depp)

    Willy Wonka (Johnny Depp)

    Film: Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

    Just because Anna Wintour Lords it over the fashion world like some impregnable Colossus, it doesn’t mean Willy Wonka should be aping her boring bob.

  • Lord Summerisle (Christopher Lee)

    Lord Summerisle (Christophe…

    Film: The Wicker Man For the mad professor look and the… More details

    Lord Summerisle (Christopher Lee)

    Lord Summerisle (Christopher Lee)

    Film: The Wicker Man

    For the mad professor look and the rather ominous too-perfect-by-half coiffure that precedes it. No good can come from this hair. And, funnily enough, it doesn’t.

  • Junior (Jared Leto)

    Junior (Jared Leto)

    Film: Panic Room Again, we can acknowledge that Jared Leto… More details

    Junior (Jared Leto)

    Junior (Jared Leto)

    Film: Panic Room

    Again, we can acknowledge that Jared Leto is a good looking dude, but boy, he does himself no favours with this braid. Yes, we get it’s supposed to look menacing – it doesn’t , he looks like a crusty eco warrior. To the trees!

  • Robert Langdon (Tom Hanks)

    Robert Langdon (Tom Hanks)

    The definitive midlife crisis cut. There is nothing… More details

    Robert Langdon (Tom Hanks)

    Robert Langdon (Tom Hanks)

    The definitive midlife crisis cut. There is nothing redeeming about this too long, too lank, too greasy style. Another reason to mock Dan Brown’s ubiquitous creation.

  • Drop Dead Fred (Rik Mayall)

    Drop Dead Fred (Rik Mayall)

    Film: Drop Dead Fred In which Rik Mayall took his Young… More details

    Drop Dead Fred (Rik Mayall)

    Drop Dead Fred (Rik Mayall)

    Film: Drop Dead Fred

    In which Rik Mayall took his Young Ones persona – also Rik – to Hollywood and cranked the ‘anarchic’ edge up to 11. Hence the slightly excessive Johnny Rotten punk meets Christopher Lee scruffy Wicker Man hairstyle.

  •  Aunty Entity (Tina Turner)

    Aunty Entity (Tina Turner)

    Film: Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome We’re not sure why, but… More details

     Aunty Entity (Tina Turner)

    Aunty Entity (Tina Turner)

    Film: Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome

    We’re not sure why, but Tinseltown and its ilk are fond of encouraging the notion that any post-apocalyptic landscape will see us all returning to some sort of semi-feudal aesthetic state. Turner’s Aunty Entity is indicative of such a mindset – pre-empting The Levellers and their less than fragrant sort by a good few years, these two styles (the overgrown skunk on top and the big hair mullet at the back, are both inexcusable. As are the blonde highlights. Wrong, wrong, wrong.

  • Clementine Kruczynski (Kate Winslet)

    Clementine Kruczynski (Kate…

    Film: The Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind Just because… More details

    Clementine Kruczynski (Kate Winslet)

    Clementine Kruczynski (Kate Winslet)

    Film: The Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind

    Just because someone doesn’t play by society’s straitjacket doesn’t mean they have to possess infantile hair. Clementine Kruczynski’s hair goes through all manner of colours during this admittedly superb film – red, green and our particular favourite (that is, the worst) the weak blue rinse with dirty yellow roots. How could you love a woman that inflicted such cruelty upon her hair? Exactly.

  • Tess McGill (Melanie Griffith)

    Tess McGill (Melanie Griffith)

    Film: Working Girl The female equivalent of Rob Lowe’s… More details

    Tess McGill (Melanie Griffith)

    Tess McGill (Melanie Griffith)

    Film: Working Girl

    The female equivalent of Rob Lowe’s get-up in St. Elmo’s Fire. Big, brassy and a confused and conflicting mess. Even her Marilyn Monroe makeover is excessive.

  • Oompa Loompas

    Oompa Loompas

    Film: Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory Some people mix… More details

    Oompa Loompas

    Oompa Loompas

    Film: Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory

    Some people mix up the colours green and orange. We can only assume that a cruel mind, cognizant of this mild colour blindness, decided to place this green thing on top of the orange Oompa Loompas. We also like to think that somehow this haircut is the inspiration for Princess Leia’s buns in Star Wars.

  • Riff Raff (Richard O’Brien)

    Riff Raff (Richard O’Brien)

    Film: The Rocky Horror Picture Show It’s Richard… More details

    Riff Raff (Richard O’Brien)

    Riff Raff (Richard O’Brien)

    Film: The Rocky Horror Picture Show

    It’s Richard O’Brien’s party so he can of course bring whatever eyesore he wishes to the cinematic shindig, but, come on, really? It looks like some next level Brian Eno meets Bobby Charlton wrongness. That’s it, a glam rock Bobby Charlton!

  • Legolas Greenleaf (Orlando Bloom)

    Legolas Greenleaf (Orlando …

    Film: Lord of the Rings Why must we punish elves with such… More details

    Legolas Greenleaf (Orlando Bloom)

    Legolas Greenleaf (Orlando Bloom)

    Film: Lord of the Rings

    Why must we punish elves with such lifeless, colourless nonsense?

  • Velma Von Tussle (Debbie Harry)

    Velma Von Tussle (Debbie Ha…

    Film: Hairspray In a film noted for its extravagant… More details

    Velma Von Tussle (Debbie Harry)

    Velma Von Tussle (Debbie Harry)

    Film: Hairspray

    In a film noted for its extravagant hairstyles, this never-ending creation takes top prize for offending the eyes. Describing it as a kind of horse’s mane mixed with a giant ice cream cone doesn’t even cover it.

  • Begbie (Robert Carlyle)

    Begbie (Robert Carlyle)

    Film: Trainspotting Not that we’d tell him to his face… More details

    Begbie (Robert Carlyle)

    Begbie (Robert Carlyle)

    Film: Trainspotting

    Not that we’d tell him to his face (we can’t of course because he’s just a made-up character), but Begbie’s slicked back ball of grease – sometimes falling down into a Madchester-era pair of curtains – was not suave, nor intimidating. It was ugly though.

    (Images: Allstar, Rex)

Tags: Film, Grooming

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