"Eleven years. 552 issues. Maybe half a million words or more."

“I act like i’m keen to mingle, and then I just go to the pub or for a burrito”

"People will think, 'Look at that strange man eating alone at 5pm"

"We were struck by just how inventive, inclusive and artistic we are"

"I like reading about the futures that never came"

I don’t need this pen. it’s a free hotel one. but still, it’s mine

"You ever held a really good paperclip? You notice when you do"

"What was I thinking? Who runs? Where do they think they’re going?"

"It puts the blame on women for not appreciating the epic bants"

"Why complicate things?"

Oh God. Oh my God this is the Danger Ball.

"It's like a very boring one-man show no one would ever pay to see"

"Can you do me a favour?"

"I somehow console myself by doing whatever I want at any time whatsoever"

"They tried to kill me," he said. "They sent a tornado to get me"

"People are crossing their arms and sighing. 'Why us?' we joke"

"I am alone, pounding the streets of the city, hunting for a private alleyway down which I can dart in order to carry out my illicit business."

"The world is packed with jobs that I don't want to do for ever, but just for the summer"

"The person I mention it to is blown away"

"I’m straight back in their faces, offering them biscuits"

"Dear neighbour, I promise I'm not a weirdo"

All I can think is, “How do you get people sent to the Hague?”

"Perhaps he wanders all day, delivering hit-and-run dad jokes"

"I have come to realise that a Straight Pride march is a terrific idea"

"I call him two emails Terry. Except his name's not Terry"

Zabivaka might look like an innocent wolf, but there's more to him than meets the eye

What did you just say Colin?

"If I'm right, I think your glasses might be highly flammable"

"The chimpanzee put on a big toothy grin. It was a treat to behold"

"My life is just limes now"

"If science is correct, I will never make another new friend again"

"The sense of absolute relief is palpable. But all this is about to be ruined"

How do these people get through it?

It's not as easy as it looks

Two people. One pizza choice. One awkward situation.

A moment in life of great responsibility when you are given the chance to stand up and stand out