It's not nice getting dumped. So we hear.
Being rejected is always gonna sting, even more so if it's by someone you love. So, as some sort of cinematic guidebook, we've assembled a list of 30 movie women who have managed to break the hearts (and sometimes other organs) of us poor, totally innocent, menfolk.
Make a note of their techniques and then carefully avoid all future signs. Instant heartbreak preventer.
Be wary of spoilers...
(Images: All Star, Rex Features)
Matty Walker (Body Heat)
Played by: Kathleen Turner
Year: 1981
How would she do it? She'll seduce you, rather effectively, and get you to help murder her husband which will leave you rotting in jail. Your friends might say that they told you so.
Summer (500 Days Of Summer)
Played by: Zooey Deschanel
Year: 2009
How would she do it? She'd be your office crush until you finally started to see her outside of work. She wouldn't ever call you her boyfriend though and ultimately decide to marry someone else. Your heartbreak would be well-soundtracked.
Lori (Total Recall)
Played by: Sharon Stone
Year: 1990
How would she do it? She'll act like a loving wife until you discover that she's actually an agent who is pretending to be your wife but is really monitoring you. She'll end up getting killed. So that's something.
Vesper Lynd (Casino Royale)
Played by: Eva Green
Year: 2006
How would she do it? She'll make you work a bit before causing your frosty heart to melt. You'll vow to quit your job to spend your life with her but discover she was actually betraying you and robbing you blind. You'll find many more women though...
Joanna Kramer (Kramer Vs Kramer)
Played by: Meryl Streep
Year: 1979
How would she do it? She'll marry you and have a kid with you but then leave you so she can "find herself". When she returns, a brutal court battle will ensue for custody. You'll end up a single father. Who makes great French toast.
Sheba Hart (Notes On A Scandal)
Played by: Cate Blanchett
Year: 2006
How would she do it? She'll decide to wreck your marriage by having an affair with one of her schoolkids. Once he breaks it off, she'll crawl back to you. You'll be understandably rather annoyed.
Erica Albright (The Social Network)
Played by: Rooney Mara
Year: 2010
How would she do it? After you tire her with another condescending speech, she'd dump you in the middle of a busy bar. You would kind of be asking for it. But it would lead to you being a billionaire. Every cloud...
Natalie (Memento)
Played by: Carrie-Anne Moss
Year: 2000
How would she do it? She'll befriend you when you're vulnerable and in need of help but ultimately use your weakness against you and help you to kill the wrong man. You won't remember though.
Sil (Species)
Played by: Natasha Henstridge
Year: 1995
How would she do it? Well, you'd think she was a quiet, unassuming, attractive woman yet once you went to bed with her, she'd reveal herself as an evil alien that would not only break your heart but your entire body in the process.
Alex Goran (Up In The Air)
Played by: Vera Farmiga
Year: 2009
How would she do it? What starts off as a simple arrangement soon manages to transform your commitment-phobic ways. You'll be inviting her to your sister's wedding before too long only to then find out that she's actually married and you were just for fun. Twist.
Bridget Gregory (The Last Seduction)
Played by: Linda Fiorentino
Year: 1994
How would she do it? She'd enter your small town and persuade you, by being hot, to enter into various schemes with her which would end up with you getting double-crossed and in jail for rape and murder. Never trust a hot woman in a small town.
Sarah Marshall (Forgetting Sarah Marshall)
Played by: Kristen Bell
Year: 2008
How would she do it? Dating a celebrity would be mainly awesome up until the point you get broken up with, while naked. For Russell Brand. You'll take it really bad. But Mila Kunis will be waiting.
Anna (Closer)
Played by: Julia Roberts
Year: 2004
How would she do it? After what seemed like a happy relationship, she would start sleeping with Jude Law behind your back. In your home. While acting like an actual ice queen. You'll have a memorably nasty break-up.
Madelieine Elster (Vertigo)
Played by: Kim Novak
Year: 1958
How would she do it? Well you'll be hired to investigate her only to fall in love at the same time. She'll fake her suicide, only for you to find her pretending to be someone else much later. She'll die. For real this time. You'll need a whole load of therapy to even understand what's happened.
Catherine Tramell (Basic Instinct)
Played by: Sharon Stone
Year: 1992
How would she do it? Well, you probably should have known better. Suspected of a brutal ice-pick murder, she would claim innocence and convince you of this. Despite the fact that she's a bit unhinged, you decide to settle down with her. Big mistake. She's guilty and will probably kill you too.
Lila (The Heartbreak Kid)
Played by: Malin Akerman
Year: 2007
How would she do it? After a short but sweet period, you decide to marry her. She's beautiful and sweet and perfect up until the wedding. As soon as your honeymoon begins, she flips. Overly aggressive in bed, totally irrational, bad-tempered and in mountains of debt, she's a nightmare to be with. Okay so the first point can be tolerated.
Catharine Petersen (Black Widow)
Played by: Theresa Russell
Year: 1987
How would she do it? Well, simply put: she'd marry you and then murder you. Worth noting that you'd have to be rich to even be in danger. So you're fine.
Suzanne Stone (To Die For)
Played by: Nicole Kidman
Year: 1995
How would she do it? Aside from a happy marriage, she'd dominate her life with a ruthless ambition to be on TV. When it starts getting too much, she'll conspire with some half-witted teens to kill you. Oh and she'll play 'All By Myself' at your funeral. Not okay.
Barbara Rose (The War of the Roses)
Played by: Kathleen Turner
Year: 1989
How would she do it? After a mostly happy marriage, she'll demand a divorce. Your happy home will then turn into a battleground as you will fight each other physically and mentally to the death. Even as you both lay dying, she'll push your lifeless hand away from her.
Ilsa Lund (Casablanca)
Played by: Ingrid Bergman
Year: 1942
How would she do it? As your ex-lover, she would waltz into your life to make you fall for her all over again. Except this time, she has a husband. You end up taking the higher ground, telling her she must leave with him. You're still gutted.
Heather Evans (Final Analysis)
Played by: Kim Basinger
Year: 1992
How would she do it? You're easily seduced rather quickly after meeting. You then become blind to the fact that you're actually being used as a pawn in a plot to murder her husband. Fact now hopefully learnt: never trust a beautiful woman who wants you to murder her husband. Quite simple really.
Mandy Lane (All The Boys Love Mandy Lane)
Played by: Amber Heard
Year: 2008
How would she do it? Along with every other guy around, you'll have a crush on the sweet, demure and hot enigma that is Mandy Lane. While you edge closer to her, you'll find out she's a Columbine-style geek who wants everyone dead. Including you.
Lucinda Harris (Derailed)
Played by: Jennifer Aniston
Year: 2005
How would she do it? Despite being happily married, you'll meet her on the train and flirt your way to a hotel room. Before anything happens, her psychopathic boyfriend will pounce and the two will blackmail you. You deserve it a bit. Go home.
Jenny Curran (Forrest Gump)
Played by: Robin Wright Penn
Year: 1994
How would she do it? You'd fall for her as a kid and throughout your life, she'd always choose someone else over you. By the time she wants you in her life, it's too late and she's dying.
Olivia Wenscombe (The Prestige)
Played by: Scarlett Johansson
Year: 2006
How would she do it? You send your trusted assistant to spy on your arch rival only for her to fall for him and double-cross you, leaving your left leg crippled. So that's heart and leg broken. Not fair.
Mal (Inception)
Played by: Marion Cotillard
Year: 2010
How would she do it? The gift that keeps on giving. After killing herself in front of you, she'll return to haunt your dreams as a violent manifestation of her former self. Each time will break your heart a bit more.
Jennifer Check (Jennifer's Body)
Played by: Megan Fox
Year: 2009
How would she do it? Unable to resist her charms, you'd follow her suggestion to go "hang out" without many clothes on. But as you're making out with the hottest girl in school, she'd reveal herself to be a blood-sucking demon. You should have known it was too good to be true.
Tracy Kennsinger (Malice)
Played by: Nicole Kidman
Year: 1993
How would she do it? Behind your back, she'll hatch a plan with Alec Baldwin to pull off a con which leaves you lonely and heartbroken and her rich and smug. Oh and she's your god-damn wife. The gall.
Meryl Burbank (The Truman Show)
Played by: Laura Linney
Year: 1998
How would she do it? A seemingly perfect wife, you discover that she's actually just an actress who is being paid to pretend that she's in love with you. In front of millions of people. It's like being dumped on Big Brother.
Asami Yamazaki (Audition)
Played by: Eihi Shiina
Year: 2000
How would she do it? You'd fall for her straight away and be intrigued by her quiet manner. Unaware that it's an act you'll begin a relationship. Big mistake. Before you know it, she's torturing you with needles.
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