Hooked. Addicted. Snared. Such is our dependence on the eighties guiles of Netflix's Stranger Things that we've had to excommunicate all friends, colleagues and loved ones who are yet to binge watch it.
Which is why you're here, isn't it? You've ploughed your way through all eight episodes and found yourself with a habit you just can't kick.
It's okay - you're amongst friends here. We won't judge you, but rather invite you to join with us in pondering the many questions the Duffer brothers have left us with - and hope that they might answer come season two. You're welcome to contribute your own in the comments below.
What's with the slugs?
Damn you, Duffer Bros. Just as we were feeling like you'd tied up all those lose ends, you go and stick a dirty great slug in Will Buyer's esophagus.
We'd bet our Netflix subscription on these slugs being key to the show's second season - a big, slippery reference to the likes of Invasion of the Body Snatchers, Alien and The Faculty.
Our theory? Glad you asked: these slugs are going to start infiltrating the small town of Hawkins, possessing their hosts and making them do all sorts of twisted things to strengthen the portal between the normal world and that of Upside-Down.
What exactly is Chief Hopper's backstory?
Another trope plucked from the realms of pop culture, Chief Hopper is a cop from a big city dropped into a small town just before shit starts walloping into the fan.
Besides the hints of a terrible backstory involving the death of his daughter, the breakdown of his marriage and a subsequent string of casual flings, we know nothing about the guy.
It's just... well, doesn't it all feel a bit coincidental? Former big-time cop just happens to get stationed as the chief of a small town in which a large, secret government organisation is experimenting on opening portals to other dimensions? A town in which all other cops seem inept, while Hopper succeeds in saving the day?
We think Hopper's got a lot more to him than a great beard and a strong hat. A lot more.
What the hell happened to Barbara?
On the subject of disappearing people we feel sorry for - what the hell happened to Barbara?!
At the close of episode eight, everyone was left in a state of warm (albeit uneasy) state of domestic comfort. But we didn't get to check in on poor Barbara's family, did we? They probably weren't having a Merry Christmas.
Ross Duffer has assured us that as and when season two arrives on our streams, "there will be some Barb talk. Don’t worry. She will not be forgotten so easily." We want more than words, Duffer. We want justice. Justice for Barb.
Who the heck was this guy?
Remember this guy? Come on, he was the very first character we met. Chapter one, The Vanishing of Will Byers, begins with this guy legging it through the underground halls of the Hawkins National Laboratory, apparently being snatched away by the Demogorgon.
Much later on in the series, Dr Martin Brenner reveals that six people have been taken in the space of a week - which we're presuming will include this guy. We feel bad for him: we all get upset about Will and Barbara, but this guy? We don't get any time to connect with the poor chap. He might have been a top bloke.
When Joyce and Hopper enter the Upside-Down, they encounter a corpse and Will - but nowhere near six victims of the demogorgon. Where are they? Will they be coming back? Will they have experienced the same changes as Will is undergoing? Could they return as part of a much more sinister, stranger thing...
Why did the demogorgon attack people?
Part of Stranger Things addictive allure was its near-constant sense of threat: here was a world in which a monster could arrive at seemingly any moment to drag you off to an invisible world.
But... why? Why did the demogorgon want to tear shit up in the unassuming world of Hawkins. We get it, the show needed an element of tension to bubble through its eight episodes - but it was never really explained why this creature would want to do sinister things to kids like Will and Barb.
It was briefly described as a "predator" and "monster", but we never got to the bottom of why it wanted to drag people its world and ensnare them in weird, fleshy nets. It all felt very Alien, but that film explained its concepts pretty clearly. We're hoping Stranger Things reveals something of its monster's mysteries in series two.
What happened to numbers One to Ten?
It was a thought that probably entered your mind as soon as Stranger Things introduced its reluctant heroine - "Why is she eleven? Where are the other ten?"
From the limited details we gleaned in episode six (The Monster) Eleven was the product of her mother's involvement in the MK Ultra trials. Was Eleven one of several children that were born out of these tests? Were they older? Are they all locked away at ten other research facilities, like Hawkins National Laboratory - or were they all failed experiments, leaving Eleven as the project's last hope?
C'mon, season two. Give us something.
What the hell came out of that egg?
This one's sort of related to the aforementioned slugs: what the hell came out of that egg?
In a scene that probably had Ridley Scott blushing with pride (or calling his lawyers to set up a plagiarism complaint), Joyce and Hopper discover a giant, cracked egg in the Upside-Down world.
What came out of it? Is there more than one demogorgon roaming about this shadow world? Is something altogether more sinister lurking in the shadows? Does the egg have a connection to the slugs?
Answers on a postcard please chaps.
Who was the Russian guy?
A topic readily skipped over once the monster action gets going: what was Eleven designed to do, and who was the Russian chap she went spying on?
Through a variety of nudges, winks and grumbled exposition, we're given the impression that Eleven is part of a wider operation to take on the Communist threat of Russia. Anyone who wants to get lost in the internet theories of the MK Ultra programme should start here and kiss goodbye to their evening.
In short, Eleven appears to have been designed as a tool to either spy on pesky Russians, or perhaps even kill Russians via a weird alternative dimension.
We're not quite sure we really want to know how that works (it would be very dull, not make a lot of sense and probably involve more drawings on paper plates), but we'd love to see more of this in season two. Please? Thanks.
Who were the guys in the car?
The day has been saved, Will has been recovered, the monsters are back in their parallel dimensions and Hopper takes a stroll outside the hospital for a well earned cigarette.
Just as we were starting to wonder what we'd start binge watching next, two men pull up in a car. They exchange a glance, and Hopper moves to get in the back seat of what looks like the least fun road trip ever.
Not a word is spoken. No guns are pulled out of jackets, no threats are made. You'd think Hopper knows exactly what's going on...
So what's the deal? Who are the guys? Are they bringing Hopper in for a debriefing? On interrogating Hopper, one of the men from the Hawkings lab had asked him "Who are you working with?" - which sounded kind of paranoid, but on this evidence... who is Hopper working for?
Where did Eleven go?
In her final stand with the demogorgon, Eleven appeared to be sucked out of our world into... well, somewhere. Probably not Slough, that's for sure.
In the closing moments of the final episode, The Upside Down, we see Hopper drop some food off in a small box in the middle of the woods - including that potato snack Eleven loved.
We're thinking Hopper was told something by those mysterious chaps in the car. Something about what was actually happening at Hawkins National Laboratory all along. Something about where Eleven is now, and how to contact her if he should ever need the help of a super-powered wunderkind ever again.
Where did Eleven go, and what kind of drama could possible bring her back? BAM - season two.
Who's Nancy going to pick?
Well we weren't going to leave this out were we?
Who's she going to pick? Steve Harrington, utter prat turned unlikely hero - or Jonathan Byers, utter creep turned unlikely hero.
Tough call.
