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The 20 Most Pointless Inventions To Have Ever Been Invented

By Holly Pyne

11 August 2015

Before selfie sticks openly became the accepted bane of human existence, they were scoffed at in the nineties.

Yup, that's right, they couldn’t make it in the era full of trends more questionable than Donald Trumps hair. The era where the Furby became a thing. Let that sink in.

Now we live in an age where we've had to train our peripherals to trigger survival mode in case tourists and teens brandish them worryingly close to our heads when we least expect it. Here are some other ridiculous inventions we hope to never see hit the mainstream.

1. DVD rewinder

We’re not sure how someone let this get patented.

2. TV HAT PERSONAL THEATRE

This is now marketed as a way to privately watch porn on the go. Because nothing says discrete like a tent on your face.

3. subway chin rest

Sometimes the day just gets the better of you and the hell commute home is too much to work your own neck muscles anymore. Enter the portable chin rest.

4. Remote Wrangler

This facial jockstrap will probably make finding the remote even harder. How will you know which one to grab? What if you forget they’re there? How will you convince people you haven’t completely lost your mind?

5. Diet Water

The most worrying thing about this is that someone had so little faith in the human race that they believed this would sell.

6. privacy scarf

There will be plenty of privacy when you’ve been ostracised from society.

7. goldfish walker

Some people just want to watch the world burn.

8. USB PET ROCK

We’d almost be for this if linking the rock to your computer did something. But it does absolutely nothing.

9. shoe umbrellas

For when you want to keep the tips of your shoes dry, but sacrifice the state of your socks and the rest of your foot.

10. air-conditioned shoes

Thankfully there isn’t a mini air-conditioning unit tucked into the heel. Instead there are holes in the sole of the shoe that claim to release humidity and heat, combating sweat and odour. Until it rains. Then you’re in trouble.

11. cat wigs

We’re genuinely surprised this actually hasn’t taken off.

12. food fan

Who knew inhaling and exhaling air onto your food, aka breathing, was so exhausting.

13. butter stick

In fairness, this would solve the problem of crumbs in the Flora box, once you get over the UHU stick resemblance.

14. Barefoot shoes

If this list is anything to go by, we’ve a real problem with shoes. So some genius (and we use that term lightly) decided to rid us of the soles completely. The rest of the shoe is there to give you the thrill of exposing yourself without the social faux pas.

15. motorised ice cream cone

Clearly turning your wrist is an effort of gargantuan proportions.

16. Eye drop glasses

We’re pretty sure this only adds to the problem of eyedrops. Having a pair of funnels hovering above your pupils will do nothing to stop you blinking.