Talk of video games has become too serious of late.
With the Xbox One and PS4 continuing to slinging mud in the run up to Christmas, we felt called to lighten the mood.
We've made you a fun list, just for fun. It pays homage to those weapons that aren't the most powerful, shiny or fear inducing, but aim to bring a smile to your world-weary lips. Here's to the chaos-loving implements of designers bored of making things that go bang.
________________________________The dubstep gun: Saint's Row IV
Saint's Row have always sought to make weapons that break with standard gaming conventions. Remember The Penetrator? The forthcoming forth title, Saint's Row IV (that's four) features the brilliant dubstep gun, allowing you to "Wub wub wub" your enemies to a beat-dropping death.
________________________________
Hair: Bayonetta
Lets be honest, not a lot of Bayonetta makes any sense, but that doesn't stop it from being an exceptionally fun game. The follicles of the titular heroine are able to summon demons, launch attacks and double as clothing. Mental.
________________________________
Land shark gun: Armed & Dangerous
Aim at your opponent. Pull the trigger. Watch with anticipation as a Jaws-esque fin slinks toward them. Giggle with glee as a great white emerges from the earth to gobble your foe. Baffling. Brilliant.
________________________________
Mr Toots: Red Faction: Armageddon
What could be more fun than an unicorn that fires highly destructive beams of magic and wonder from its posterior? Before you ask, we have no idea what the trigger is. And we never want to know.
________________________________
Magikarp splash attack: Pokémon
We're bending the rules a bit here, but felt this one deserved inclusion. "Magikarp used splash! But nothing happened!" was burnt into our retinas as a result of our futile patience. Why is it an option? Surely it'll do something? Salt water in the eye stings like crazy doesn't it?
________________________________
Tuna sword: Phantasy Star Online II
In what we (wrongly) assume is a tribute to thatMonty Python sketch, Phantasy Star Online II includes a sword that appears to be a giant tuna. Because what you really want from a MMORPG is the chance to smack someone about the face with a fish sword.
________________________________
Hand canon: Dead Space 2
A reward for those stubborn enough to have completed the game on the Hard Core difficulty. It's description puts it succinctly: "Primary Fire: Pull "RT" to go bang bang, Secondary Fire: Press "RB" to go pew pew pew. Real space. Real terror. Real foam."
________________________________
Skyscraper club: Kid Icarus: Uprising
No one's going to get up if you hit them with a skyscraper are they? This spangly death stick hurls balls of buildings at your foe, making it infinitely cooler (and lighter) than a lightsaber.
________________________________
Laptop gun: Perfect Dark
A gun that would have been at home in a 'traditional' Bond film, Perfect Dark's laptop gun was pretty handy in a death match: powerful as a rifle, it could also be dispatched as a formidable sentry gun. It only ran Windows 98 though.
________________________________
Groovitron glove: Ratchet & Clank: Tools of Destruction
More diversion than weapon, the groovitron glove demonstrates the love and attention that went into this Ratchet & Clank game - every single enemy had their own unique dance animation to accompany this disco ball of distraction.
________________________________
Earthworm Jim's body whip: Earthworm Jim
Plenty of games feature whips, but few are formed by the body of their central protagonist. Devastatingly powerful and far cheaper than a chiropractor.
________________________________
Keyblade: Kingdom Hearts
What could be more terrifying than a giant key sword thing? Probably a giant sword. But Sora doesn't get a giant sword, he gets a giant key. Bet he loses it all the time.
________________________________
Kirby's yo-yo: Kirby Superstar
Did you ever have the misfortune of overcooking a 'round-the-world' attempt and smacking yourself in the face? Us neither. Kirby's yo-yoing skills apparently inflicted an even greater level of pain than that.
________________________________
Super sheep: Worms
The Worms series is littered with superb comedy weapons. In our humble opinion, the finest of them all is the super sheep, a weapon requiring precision and patience to master. Of which we have neither.
________________________________
Lulu's dolls: Final Fantasy X
If you ask us, Lulu's use of black magic and deadly dolls hints at some unsolved childhood issues. With models including the Soul of Mog and Vengeful Cactuar, these aren't the sort of dolls you can snuggle up to on a lonely night.
________________________________
Cerebral bore: Turok 2
Easily the most gruesome weapon on our list, the cerebral bore fires a projectile that drills into an enemy's skull, before proceeding to explode. Gave rise to the Saturday morning expression, "It feels I was cerebral bored last night".
________________________________
Repellent stick: Fallout 3
A stick with some sticky stuff on the end of it. The repellent was lethal for Fallout 3's mole rats, but a mild inconvenience to anyone else you hit about the head.
________________________________
Shells: Mario Kart
Why do they seek out karts? Why do they send them into a dizzying spin? We aren't complaining, we're just saying - they're odd.
________________________________
Teddy bear: Dead Rising 2
If (when) the zombies arrive, the last thing you'd grab would be a giant stuffed bear. Even a shoe would do more damage. But give teddy a machine gun and it's a different story...
________________________________
Leaf shield: Mega Man 2
There's no denying it's effectiveness, we just don't understand the logic of Mega Man 2's leaf shield. Leaves are hardly the most potent of tools, but in the hands of Mega Man they're more lethal than a binder of paper cuts.
(Images: Screengrabs, Nintendo, Platinum Games)
