5 weird news stories you (probably) missed this week

It’s been a strange week.

First David Cameron made a sex joke (not involving pigs) and then we learnt that Brian Blessed bit through someone’s umbilical cord under a tree in Richmond Park.

And those are just the stories you heard about.

Here are the weirdest stories you may not have come across this week.

Scientists have invented a chocolate so healthy that it could be taken as medicine

Perhaps the best news of the week and, indeed, the decade, came when it was reported that chocolate can actually make you healthier. But sadly not the Wispas you buy from the corner shop.

Scientists from American chocolate (coincidence?) company Kuka Xoco claim they can de-bitter unsweetened cacao, eliminating the need for sugar and sweeteners and all the bad fats in chocolate.

Taking all that delicious fat and sugar out might sound like the worst idea ever conceived but it actually allows the cacao to its healthy stuff, which includes protecting your nervous system and lowering your blood pressure.

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How the dinosaurs really meet their end

Those poor old dinosaurs, they had it rough.

If they were lucky enough to escape the blast and associated unpleasantness of a massive asteroid slamming into the Gulf of Mexico, it now appears the dinos would’ve met their end during some unimaginably catastrophic volcanic events triggered by said asteroid strike.

According to research published in the journal Science, earthquakes generated by the impact into Mexico's Yucatan Peninsula 66 million years ago changed India's Deccan Traps volcanic field from a series of small eruptions to dramatically more massive events lasting hundreds of thousands of years.

Yep, that would’ve probably done it. 

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Man demolishes his own pub because he’ll tell you when he’s had enough

We’ve all been there.

It’s 10.55pm on a Friday night and some moody barman refuses to give you one last drink because he says it’s closing time. So then, in a fit of rage, you grab the nearest JCB and flatten the place.

Actually you only do that last bit if your name is Mark Swinston and you happen to own the pub.

The landlord was so enraged at not being served in his own place that he decided that no one would be.

He was arrested at the scene but later released because, according to a police source “At the end of the day the building belongs to him so he can do what he likes with it.”

Fair cop.

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Toddler’s head reattached to spine

It the week’s news-so-good-it-nearly-makes-you-cry a toddler’s life was saved when his head, yes his head, was reattached after a near fatal car crash.

Jaxon Taylor, who is just 16 months old, was in a head-on collision in New South Wales, Australia, which caused his head to become detached from his spine.

But thanks to science and general greatness, doctors were able to correct the problem.

He’s expected to make a full recovery. 

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Want a Putin phone?

It might be a bit early for Christmas lists but if you love despots who have a complete disregard for democracy and human rights then you’re gonna love this.

Thanks to Russian luxury gadget designer Caviar, you can now buy a limited-edition iPhone with a gold plated image of Vladimir Putin's head on the back.

The dictator-chic phone will set you back over two thousand pounds but if you have that much money handy then, you know, do something better with it. 

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