What a week, everyone, what an absolute week. Ups, downs, hardships, easy… ships(?) - look, lots of things happened, is what I’m trying to say. And some of them were reported on this website, the best of which I shall list once more, in case you and your oblivious constitution caused you to miss them. Seriously, take those sunglasses off and pay attention!
So I guess robots are going to take over the world, then
So, a bunch of evil scientists in South Korea are making deadly autonomous murder robots, and, erm, it’s basically going to lead to the apocalypse. Of course, this death-scheme has its detractors, but they are likely to be but a gnat on an elephant’s bottom, ie. they shall not stop its progress in the slightest. Oh well, nice knowing you! Not nice knowing you though - you know who you are.
Read more here.
Jason Statham is up to *here* with sharks, and he’s gonna do something about it
Giant sharks are great, but even-bigger-than-giant sharks are even better - this is how it works, and you better wise up to it. Add a punch or a kick or two from Statham, and you’ve made a movie called The Meg, that shares 97% of my DNA. I am Jason Sharkman, and I wish to see this autobiographical movie.
Watch the trailer here.
If you don’t own a grey sweatshirt, what are you doing? No, actually what are you doing?
Sort out your wardrobe and read this week’s best menswear round-up here.
Scientists have created a mind-reading headset, AKA no thanks
Now, should you want it, you can get an ugly white gadget that fits on your head and reads your thoughts. The point of this? Two things:
1. So you can change the channel on your TV
2. So that the government can see into your brain and turn you into a dribbling puppet able only to do their bidding
What a sick invention! Surf’s up!
Read more here.
The device has told me “I am cool”
Buzz Aldrin said he saw an alien and passed a lie detector about it, so you better get in the basement
Not many people have been up into space (I certainly haven’t, I don’t think), so when four of them, including one of the moon-ones (Buzz Aldrin) say that they’ve seen an alien, I would listen. Especially when they all pass a lie-detector test. So basically, aliens are real now, and we had better prepare for invasion. I’m not even joking here. We need to protect ourselves. I’ve bought a Super-Soaker and everything.
Read more here.
The Rock still has a bit of a situation going on with Vin Diesel
Nobody likes to think of anyone being mean to The Rock, but sometimes, the big man gets into arguments (would not like to be the other competing party in that exchange), and we are still feeling the fallout from one of his biggest of recent times. Harsh times we live in, harsh times.
Read the full story here.
It takes 50 hours to make a friend, SO GO AND MAKE SOME
Supposedly, all it takes to turn an acquaintance into a friend is 50 hours of contact (not physical - that would be weird). Research has found the varying amounts of time it takes to form different levels of friendship, and the results are mighty interesting.
In other news: I made friends with a ladybird in 5 seconds the other day.
Read more here.
This could be you, if you have 50 hours to spare
Sacha Baron Cohen is heading back to TV, which is exciting ain’t it?
Is Ali G the best thing Sacha Baron Cohen has done? Maybe it’s Borat? Either way, it’s probably his TV work, isn’t it? As such, a return to the small screen should be a welcome return to his roots - an exciting prospect. But what if I told you it wasn’t even funny? He wouldn’t even be making you laugh?
Yeah, it’s going to be about spies and that. Interested now, Mr. Comedy Man? Yeah, thought so.
Read more here.
Curry-flavoured beer is a thing now, everyone
Hope you don’t mind me answering questions for you, but do you like beer? Yes. And do you like curry? Yes. So it must stand to reason that you will like curry-flavoured beer? Yes, I suppose you do.
Well good, because it’s a thing now, and supposedly it’s a lovely old drop. Flavoured beers are the new sliced bread, whatever that means.
Lick your lips, then read more here, and discover a bunch of other beers with wacky flavours.
Jim Carrey is serious now, goddammit
Remember when Jim Carrey was the man who was pulling the faces and making the silly noises? Yes, it was great, wasn’t it? Potentially the funniest man alive at that point, I am happy to say. Well, now he’s a bit older, so I guess you can’t really be doing that as much (shame), so instead he’s heading up a new film, which by the looks of things, is as far from comedy as you can get.
Saying that, I still have my fingers firmly crossed that he pulls at least one silly face. Go on, Jim, stick your tongue out or something.
Watch the trailer here.
Alllllllllll rriiigghhttyyy ttheennnnnnn
Argentinian police officers come up with the best excuses when stealing LOADS of weed
Quick tip for all you drug-stealers out there, when faced with a judge, do not tell them that actual, literal mice stole all the weed. This is because:
IT IS NOT A VERY GOOD ROUSE.
Read the ridiculous story here.
One of Shortlist.com’s staff members are responsible for Manchester City winning the league
Would you like to read a lovely story? A story full of hope, of chance, of passion? Then you had better strap yourself in for a football tale for the ages. This weekend’s possible victory is all down to us. No take-backs.
Read the incredible true story here.
Jeff Goldblum is good at making weird noises
Jeff Goldblum is good at making weird noises.
Here, look.
See you next week and all that.
(Images: Getty)
