8 beers that'll blow your head off

1) Siren Hillbilly Wine (9% ABV)

USP: Not actual wine, but a fruity imperial IPA made using a ‘Spinbot’ to whip it around oak chips, like a boozy Wall-E.

What it’s like: Fruity and oaky, it’s better balanced than those Olympic gymnasts we’ve already forgotten. You could drink it all day (but don’t).

2) Brewdog Dog D (16.1% ABV)

USP: A smooth, barrel-aged imperial stout strong enough to make you believe you could build actual empires.

What it’s like: Melted chocolate in a chocolate cup followed by chocolate liqueur. Don’t think of it as beer and you’ll love it.

3) Mikkeller Monk’s Brew (10% ABV)

USP: Danish version of a Belgian quadruple beer (one that’s at least 10%).

What it’s like: Cola-ish, with disguised potency. Could ambush you later, like Brigitte Nielsen jumping crotch-first on to Jean-Claude Van Damme.

4) Stillwater Artisanal As Follows (9% ABV)

USP: A ‘Belgian-style golden ale’ from a Brooklyn brewery that describes its beers as its ‘works’. Oh, Brooklyn.

What it’s like: Features a tartness that would cut nicely through a curry or abject loneliness.

5) Pressure Drop Bosko Absoluto (9% ABV)

USP: An Imperial IPA and flash, strong version of this Hackney brewery’s Bosko IPA.

What it’s like: The strongly hoppy aftertaste sticks in the mouth for some time, like a word that you regret saying.

6) Trappistes Rochefort 8 (9.2% ABV)

USP: Brewed at a Belgian monastery, this dark ale is proof that monks cannot be trusted with our wellbeing.

What it’s like: Toffees: the grown-up equivalent of a priest handing sweets out to kids.

7) Brewdog Barrel Aged Albino Squid Assassin (9.2% ABV)

USP: This rye IPA is aged in rye whiskey barrels for six whole months. Burglars get less!

What it’s like: Caramel, fruit, kind of like… caramelised fruit. Some smoke in there, too, but not caramelised smoke.

8) The Five Points Brewing Co Old Greg’s Barley Wine (9.5% ABV)

USP: Spends over 12 months in the bottle. Murderers get less!

What it’s like: Smells of America, tastes of whisky and aniseed, may cause outbursts of righteousness and surprisingly fresh breath.

(Photography: Darling Creative)