I 100% sympathise with Bill Gates, because I too am a billionaire and as such, am completely out of touch with the world around me. I sit in my big mansion, on my giraffe-skin duvet, brushing my hair with a comb made out of the tusk of an endangered Asian elephant, while kicking money into a fire. God I love kicking money into a fire. Just getting a load of money, then kicking it really hard, straight into a fire. Bye bye money! Into the fire you go! I’ve kicked you right into it! I sing a song about it:
“Money in the fire, money in the fire, I am kicking money in the fire!”
And Bill Gates is much the same, I presume, because he, like me, does not know the price of simple groceries. He appeared on The Ellen DeGeneres Show recently to have a chat (it’s a chat show) and be embarrassed in front of the nation. Essentially, Ellen showed him a load of household items and he had to guess what price they were, which he did, badly. Look:
That’s Bill Gates up there, thinking that a cheese dip costs $10. Imagine buying a dip for seven quid. A seven quid dip would have to be the best dip that I’d ever run my grubby fingers around inside, I’ll tell you that for free. Or for seven quid.
But no, the cheese dip costs $3.66 - much more like it. He also guesses:
Uncle Ben’s-alike ready rice
Bill’s guess: $5
Actual price: $1
A pack of Tide Pods
Bill’s guess: $4
Actual price: $19.97
Some floss
Bill’s guess: $4
Actual price: $3.78
A bag of pizza rolls
Bill’s guess: $22
Actual price: $8.98
Ho ho ho, ha ha ha, big rich man doesn’t know what things cost, big whoop. When you’re absolutely swimming in it like Bill and I, you’ve got far more important things to worry about than rice - like which horn to punch off which rhino next. Which lump of foie gras to flush down the toilet. Which orphanage to turn into a ball pit. If I was as rich as Bill Gates (which I am, remember, you must remember this), then with my $91.5 billion I could buy every single person in the world three cheese dips.
Of course, I wouldn’t, because I’m too busy getting blue whales to swallow dynamite and then surfing down the blood wave when they explode, you peasants.
(Image: Rex)
