Brexit is now going to ruin your Full English Breakfast

Brexit has ruined loads of things, hasn’t it? Jokes, for one – back in April, comedian Marcus Brigstocke said that jokes about Brexit were “comedic poison”, which is bad really because jokes are good. A bunch of people broke up with their partners because of it. Leave voters also want to bring back the death penalty and corporal punishment, which is less good in quite a significant and meaningful way. 

Anyway, now it’s also ruining that most hallowed of things: the humble, timeless fry-up. If, according to a new report from accountancy firm KPMG, we defaulted to the World Trade Organisation’s customs rules – which would happen if we didn’t get a good deal with the EU – the price of an average family breakfast could rise by 13% to £26.61. 

Orange juice from Spain – which is bottled in Ireland – would cost 93p rather than the current 79p. A pack of Danish bacon? 18p more expensive. A 500g pack of butter from France would cost £4.08, and olive oil would rise to nearly FIVE WHOLE POUNDS from £3.60. Although why anyone’s using olive oil to cook any part of a fry-up remains a mystery. 

And this terrible fry-up news is only the beginning of our Brexit-based misery, apparently.

“WTO tariffs could have a significant impact on both consumers and retailers alike – totting up consumer price tags and further squeezing retail margins,” said Bob Jones, director at KPMG. “It’s important to remember that our analysis does not even reflect the steep costs consumers and retailers are already facing as a result of the pound sterling’s devaluation or the costs of any new non-tariff barriers.

“If the UK leaves the EU without a trade deal or transitional agreement, we can expect both higher prices and a huge spike in red tape at the borders. The top priority for businesses is to fully understand their own supply chains: the volumes and values of the goods they ship back and forth and which countries they’re importing to and from.”

So there we go: good job all those Leave voters are still around to face the consequences of their vote, eh? 

Oh.