According to China, Venom is the adorable (people eating) boyfriend you deserve

Finding the perfect partner is tricky. There are so many factors to consider: physical attraction, emotional connections, trust, how likely they are to rob your house, all kinds of things. We hang so much of the happiness in our lives on the idea of finding someone else to “complete us” but does the perfect partner really exist?

Yes, according to Sony Pictures China. The team marketing the film Venom have gone for the unusual move of advertising how great a boyfriend Venom would make. Not Tom Hardy, the handsome actor, but Venom, the giant tentacley alien symbiote that likes to eat people and tear them limb from limb. 

These pictures came from the movie’s official Weibo account, show just four of the many ways dating Venom would be an exciting romantic journey.

Thats right, the OFFICIAL Sony Pictures China Weibo account.

Excellent translator Xueting Christine Ni has translated the text on the pictures, as well as observing what it is they’re presenting: “It’s interesting the teratophilia [attraction to monsters] surrounding Venom has him marketed as a 暖男 - a Nuǎn Nán protector.” This phrase, Nuǎn Nán, translates literally as “warm male” and is used online to refer to sensitive, caring male partners, the kind who do the housework and look after the kids.

Each of the pictures here is accompanied by Ni’s translation:

“Who’s that good-looking dude?”

“Life’s most beautiful moment is the instant when I hold up an umbrella for you”.

“Shopping has become a beautiful thing ever since I met you”.

“I’m holding onto happiness with both tentacles!”

It’s fairly persuasive: think how safe you’d feel in those big ol’ tentacles. 

Kindness is incredibly important in any relationship, and Venom as presented here is - well, just charming. Sure, the film itself seems to involve a lot more disembowelling than these pictures would suggest, so depending on the success of this campaign there might be a few horrified young women in the audience, going in expecting a big cuddly version of Ryan Gosling from the Hey Gurl memes and instead getting a shrieking, inhuman monster.

The teratophilia Ni refers to has come out quite a bit with Venom, though, with internet users responding to footage of the creature in what can only really be described as a horny way. 

What’s going on? Why is everyone so horny for Venom? Teratophilia (which might be a slightly problematic term in its currently popular online meaning, where it is used to apply to being attracted to monsters, as it originally refers to being drawn to people with physical deformities) was also flared up in a fair amount of people by the creature from The Shape Of Water and even Pennywise from IT. 

Amazon is full of straight-to-Kindle monster erotica with titles like Cum For Bigfoot (NB that is a ten-part saga). There’s definitely a bit of a moment occurring for teratophiliacs at the moment, with the cloud of arousal surrounding Venom just the latest incarnation of it.

That one where he’s holding the umbrella though. That’s just kind. He’s nice, isn’t he? Wholesome. You can imagine taking him home to meet your parents. And, you know, part of the appeal might be explained here as well…

(Pic: Sony Pictures)