If you want to steal an Oscar, this is exactly how NOT to do it

Winning an Oscar has to be pretty great - it’s the highest-profile award the film world has, and rewards those at the top of their game.

But, if you’re not going to win one, it must still just be a nice thing to own. It’s quite pretty, an Oscar - it looks like a nice lamp without the annoying functional bit. Whenever you see someone holding an Oscar it looks really holdable. Holdable as hell. Really fun to hold.

So you can understand the compulsion that must have gone through Terry Bryant’s mind in LA the other day. He saw Frances McDormand’s Best Actress Oscar at the post-awards Governor’s Ball, and thought to himself, ooh, I’d like to steal that.

That’s sort of fair enough. It’s totally acceptable to idly fantasise about doing things like that. Who hasn’t walked past a Securicor van and briefly thought about robbing it? You know you’re not going to, but it’s an idle daydream, doing an amazing impromptu heist (maybe involving that ace Jackie Chan trick where you kick a bucket up into the air and it lands on someone’s head) and waltzing off into the sunset to live off the riches you’ve nicked? It’s good stuff. Keeps us alive.

But Terry Bryant went and actually pinched it, the idiot. He swiped McDormand’s award and scarpered with it like a rotter, especially coming so soon after the powerful moment McDormand had created with her winning speech.

Bryant’s plan didn’t necessarily extend much beyond grabbing the award and running away with it, although before he was caught, he posted a video of himself with ‘his Oscar’ on Facebook. That’s another idiot move on Bryant’s part, really. 

WAYS IT WOULD BE VERY CLEAR TO EVERYONE THAT IT WASN’T REALLY TERRY BRYANT’S OSCAR

1. Terry Bryant was not nominated for an Oscar
2. It says ‘Best Actress’ on it, and he is not an actress
3. It says ‘Frances McDormand’ on it, and he is not the internationally famous actress Frances McDormand
4. He is just some dude

It was just generally a poorly thought out plan, really. Shortly after posting his now-deleted video, Bryant was apprehended by celebrity chef Wolfgang Puck’s photographer (nope, no idea) and the award was returned to McDormand. Bryant was arrested for grand felony theft, with bail set at $20,000, while McDormand and her award celebrated with an In-N-Out burger.

What have we learned from this? Don’t steal stuff, you rotters, and if you do, don’t boast about it online, you idiot rotters.

(Image: Rex)