How to show women you really care

Luisa Omielan on how to show women you really care

The comedian, at this year’s Edinburgh Fringe (@luisaomielan), tackles a delicate issue

• I love you, and I love your penis, it’s perfect, and fits me perfectly.
• I love the way you wrap your arms around me and make me feel safe. I love waking up when your arms are holding me just as tightly as when I fell asleep.
• I love the way you make me breakfast by scrambling one egg with some ketchup on the side and give me a teaspoon to eat it with.
• I love that you make me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world and join in on power ballad role plays.
• But, I don’t know why you think it’s cool to be at work, play football, come over to mine, pull your trousers down and then call BJ time. There is toilet roll stuck on the end of it. WASH YOUR WILLY. I love you, but I don’t come in from Zumba and sit on your face.