Terrible news: Nicolas Cage is quitting acting

Just as the sun decides to show its elusive face, and spirits are at an all-time high, news hits that drags them back to earth at great speed, smashing through the concrete and tunneling through the mantle, straight to Hell: Nicolas Cage is quitting acting.

Nicolas Cage is - and this isn’t to be taken lightly - perhaps the world’s greatest actor, so to deny an audience of millions his individual brand of impossible-to-imitate genius, would be a travesty of gargantuan proportions. This is: not good.

He revealed his plans to Blast when talking about his latest film Primal (which sounds amazing, by the way). He said:

“In terms of producing and directing, yes, I’m getting back in production. My company, Saturn Films, is involved in all the movies I’m doing now.

“Directing is something I’d look forward to down the road, because right now I’m primarily a film performer.

“I’m going to continue doing that for three or four more years and then I’d like to focus more on directing.”

Thankfully, things could be worse - Cage is not leaving the industry entirely, he’ll still be making movies, just not necessarily in front of the camera. As such, hopefully his rabid work-rate shall continue - something he puts down to an innate need to keep himself busy:

“I have multiple reasons for wanting to work. One of them is, to be blatantly honest, I can be a little self-destructive if I’m not focused on my job.

“It’s the difference between maybe having one bottle of wine versus two bottles of wine.”

Quite relatable, that, it must be said.

Still, are you buying this? A world without Nicolas Cage running around and screaming? Doesn’t sound like any fun, does it? You’ll see - fast forward ten years, when the world economies have collapsed and our cities are lawless warzones, he’ll wise up, realise it was all his fault, and make one more movie, his most intense yet, and the earth shall return to order. 

Cage shall save us. Long live Cage.

(Image: Getty)