Scientists have found a faceless fish in Australia because who really needs eyes & a mouth

I went in the ocean once when I was kid, saw a jellyfish, and then ran back out to the beach. That was it. Not for me, sorry. And nothing I have seen in the years since that event have made me change my mind. The ocean is full of terrible, terrible things and we should leave it alone.

And exhibit 9,351 in ‘reasons why you should never go in the ocean’ comes in the form of this, a “faceless” deep-sea fish that had not been seen for more than a century but which has been ‘rediscovered’ by scientists in Australia.

Just look at it.

If God did indeed invent all the animals on the land and sea then he let the intern do that one didn’t he.

The fish, which measures 40cm, was found 4km below sea level in waters south of Sydney by the braver-than-I-am scientists from Museums Victoria and the Australian government’s Commonwealth Scientific and Industrial Research Organisation (CSIRO). It is the first time that the fish has been seen (the fish presumably didn’t see them) in Australian waters since 1873.

Chief scientist and expedition leader Dr Tim O’Hara said: “This little fish looks amazing because the mouth is actually situated at the bottom of the animal so, when you look side-on, you can’t see any eyes, you can’t see any nose or gills or mouth. It looks like two rear-ends on a fish, really.”

Good grief, what a terrible deal this fish has been given. What did it do in a previous life? Maybe it was Jimmy Savile.

Related: This fisherman’s terrifying deep sea finds will haunt your dreams

The month long voyage of the Investigator research ship has come up with a host of finds, including bright red spiky rock crabs, bioluminescent sea stars and huge sea spiders ‘as big as a dinner plate’.

“The experts tell me that about a third of all specimens coming on board are new totally new to science,” O’Hara said. “They aren’t all as spectacular as the faceless fish but there’s a lot of sea fleas and worms and crabs and other things that are totally new and no one has seen them ever before.”

To be honest mate I’ll be quite happy if I never see a dinner plate-sized sea spider in my life, so I’m signing off right now.

[via Guardian]