Science knows exactly what you've been doing with that peach emoji

Last month, when Apple brought out its newest set of emojis and turned the peach into something far more actually fruit-like, people… were… furious.

The peach emoji was shorthand for butts, everyone knew that, and how else were people supposed to talk about their arse in a sexual manner now? The poop emoji? As if. These are people, not some kind of monsters.

BuzzFeed called it “the worst kind of gentrification of the internet” and Apple quickly recanted their un-arse-like peach emoji, proving that there’s no voice so strong as that of horny teens with Twitter accounts. 

To prove the power of the peach, emoji experts (SHAKES FIST AT 2016 AND SHREEKS) Emojipedia have gone all scientific-deep-dive on that ass. What they have found will shock… no-one. But it’s still fun. 

For starters they crunched the numbers to find out what words were most often posted with The Peach Butt, with “booty”, “ass”, “badgirl”, “damn”, “squats” and “girl wow” rounding out the repeat offenders. 

They also found that, of their defined data-set, “33% of tweets use ? as a shorthand for butt” and “27% have sexual connotations or include suggestive imagery” and “only 7% refer to fruit”.

And the most frequently paired emoji? Well… You get one guess.

As Emojipedia notes: “Let's take a moment to highlight the key finding here: as many as 93% of tweets with ? have nothing to do with the actual peach.”

If people thought about VITAMINS as much as they thought about THAT ASS then maybe we’d all be a little bit better off! And have much nicer skin and higher levels of A, C, E, K and six of the B complex vitamins and have higher immune systems! 

Wake up, sheeple.

(Photo: B. K. Dewey / Flickr)