The Russian military has bought 5 dolphins but won’t say why

Dr Evil had sharks with frickin' laser beams attached to their heads, but Vladimir Putin has to settle for dolphins.

News reaches us via The Independent that Russia’s Ministry of Defence have recently purchased five new dolphins (we didn't realise there were places you could buy them). The dolphins, three male and two female, each set the Russian military back 350,000 roubles (just over £3,600 per dolphin), a total of over £21,000.

They specifically requested that the dolphins were between three to five years old and had all "teeth intact... of average length... no mucus from the blowhole."

They'll be taken to Sevastopol in Crimea, home to a Ukrainian military dolphin training facility - one of only two in the world - which was taken over by Russia  in 2014. Exactly what they'll be used for remains a mystery, although it's believed President Obama is preparing Navy seals in response.