The Worst Celebrity Statues Ever

Religion may not be the force it once was in the world, but it seems we humans still like to have our idols to bow down and worship. And, of course, that naturally means creating statues of them, immortalised forever in their most glorious poses of power and poise. However, if you don't get a good sculptor, you get something else entirely, as evidenced by the recent unveiling of the monstrosity that is the statue of footballer Luis Suarez, in his hometown of Salto, Uruguay.

Brace yourselves for the 12 worst celebrity statues ever.

Luis Suarez

Considering this is a man who's taken more than a mouthful of flesh while battling opponents on the football pitch, is it any surprise his statue, recently unvieled in his hometown of Salto with live video footage from the man himself, looks unnervingly like a vampire? The extra pointy earlobes just adding to the Nosferatu vibe.

Andy Murray

In 2011, for some reason, the Shanghai Rolex Masters decided to make terracotta statues of some famous tennis players. Andy's had the unfortunate problem of looking more like his mother than him. He looks suitably uncomfortable next to it though, which is understandable.

David Beckham

2012 saw high street chain H&M celebrate their new David Beckham range with these silver statues of Goldenballs in various locations across the globe. Unfortunately, his, erm, silverballs were rather too prominent for our liking.

Cristiano Ronaldo

It's hard to imagine just how big an ego Cristiano Ronaldo has. Whilst there is no doubt that he is one of the two greatest players in the world right now, he's more than aware of that fact too. He built his own museum in 2013 in his Portuguese hometown Funchal, on the island of Madeira, and now there's a giant statue of him outside. Unfortunately, like Mr Silverballs, all eyes are drawn to the ridiculous crotch region - which at least diverts attention away from the fact that its face looks nothing like him. Ah well, he'll probably build another, bigger one soon that we can laugh at instead.

Kurt Cobain

Kurt Cobain's hometown of Aberdeen, Washington, recently attempted to cash in on their famous son's popularity by declaring a 'Kurt Cobain Day' on his February 20th. To commemorate it, they also unveiled this - let's face it, dreadful - statue. As if his family hadn't already suffered enough.

(Images: Indie88)

Diego Maradona

We're sure the good people of La Boca district in Buenos Aires meant well when they created this statue of the Argentinian football legend but, my word, this could mentally scar children for life. Mind you, during his notorious 'party years', he occasionally looked a bit like this, so perhaps it's not completely without merit.

Marilyn Monroe

This 26 foot tall sculpture stood in Chicago, before moving to Palm Springs, California, in 2012. 'Forever Marilyn' features Monroe's famous pose in The Seven Year Itch which, while iconic, also means that when transferred to giant statue status, enables people to leer up from underneath. They didn't really think that one through, did they?

Michael Jackson

Perhaps the most famous of all terrible statues, this 'tribute' to the King of Pop stood outside Fulham's beautiful old Craven Cottage stadium from 2011, while the club was owned by his friend Mohamed Al-Fayed. Fulham fans almost universally hated it - not only did it have nothing to with their club, it also looked nothing like the poor chap. It was finally removed in 2013 when Shahid Khan bought the club - Al-Fayed later claimed that Fulham's subsequent relegation was due to the 'lucky' statue being taken away. "This statue was a charm and we removed the luck from the club and now we have to pay the price" said the Egyptian. Hmmm - probably a price worth paying we'd say.

Colin Firth

This thoroughly ridiculous 3.5m statue of Colin Firth's Mr Darcy from the famous BBC version of Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice resided in Lyme Park, the National Trust-managed estate which played host to his fictional estate in the 1995 mini series. For some unknown reason, the National Trust of Australia decided to acquire it earlier this year. Visitor experience manager Anthony Willder  said that Mr Darcy was still “looking good” despite spending eight months in a lake but reported that, “unfortunately one of his fingers fell off, but I think that’s a small price to pay for having him back on terra firma.” Shame it was just the fingers that broke really.

Steve Jobs

Hard to believe, but this sculpture of Steve Jobs - featuring his disembodied head on an obelisk mapping the binary system - actually won a competition to commemorate the famous Apple co-founder. A full-size version (up to 16 feet tall) will be installed at his old company's headquarters in Cupertino, California in the near future.

(Image: Stefan Constantine)

Ted Bates

Ted Bates was nothing less than a Southampton legend, dedicating 66 years of his life to the club as player, coach, manager and president. Which meant that his statue was fully deserved. However, the 2007 statue was widely criticised for not being in proportion and - perhaps more importantly - looking nothing like the great man. For once, those in charge listened, and a far superior version was unveiled a year later.

Bob Stokoe

Bob Stokoe was a legendary figure in the footballing hotbed of the North East, guiding Sunderland to FA Cup glory in 1973. This well-earned statue was unveiled in 2006 - unfortunately, the chosen pose wasn't the best - many have pointed out that there's more than a hint of the childcatcher about it. Nonetheless, it was built under budget, with the spare £5,000 going to charity, so maybe the hasty work had an unintended good outcome.

Phil Lynott

Thin Lizzy frontman Phil Lynott was one of the coolest men in rock and roll history. So it's rather unfortunate that this statue, located on Harry Street in Dublin, overaccentuates his jaw so much that he ends up looking like Jimmy Hill. No one deserves that, least of all big Phil.

[Images: Rex/Getty unless stated]