With all the money that studios spend on releasing movies, it never fails to surprise how horribly bungled their promotional posters can still be. There's terrible photography, clumsy composition and very frequently Photoshop work that could only be excused if someone gave it to their toddler to do on Bring Your Child To Work Day.
Here's a run down of the very worst movie posters of 2013.
If your stars can't even get up the energy to look remotely enthused about your comedy then how can you expect an audience to?
____________________________________________________________
The layout isn't completely horrible, but the symbolism is very confusing. What are we saying here by filling in Will Smith and Jr. with the image of a wrecked spaceship? Are we saying they are the essence of wrecked spaceship? That the soul of the wrecked spaceship burns within them? Did they wander into the green screen studio wearing green jumpsuits? Also, what are they looking at?
____________________________________________________________
"OK, Clare, if you could just look over here? James, now you look...No Clare, you stay looking where you were? Sarah, now if you could try looking at anything at all. No, not at Clare's shoulder. No, Clare. CLARE. Ignore the thing over there. WILL EVERYBODY JUST LOOK IN A SIMILAR DIRECTION OR AT LEAST LOOK LIKE THEY'RE FOCUSING ON SOMETHING ANYTHING PLEASE"
____________________________________________________________
Several questions: Where is Sanaa Lathan's right leg? Why is she grinding her crotch into Taye Diggs? Does Terrence Howard no longer have arms? Because he used to have arms. Is the ceiling leaking over Monica Calhoun? And did Nia Long arrive late and have to dash into shot?
____________________________________________________________
Where do you start? Yes, it's a poster for a movie about a couple who find a brass teapot that gives them money every time they hurt themselves, so all the essential elements are there. It's just not clear why Juno Temple had to wear all those elements on her head.
____________________________________________________________
The trend for side-stink-eye this year is very strange. Whatever the intriguing things are that are happening just out of shot, and at slightly different angles for each man, didn't make it into the film. And where on earth are they standing that they have the upper portions of a skyscraper immediately behind them?
____________________________________________________________
Using a bit of Photoshop's postarise filter does not result in a good poster.
____________________________________________________________
Is there a reason that everyone is sliding toward Vince Vaughn at a variety of angles? And that they seem completely fine with it? And that their hair appears to be collectively not subject to the laws of gravity? And that the sun is on the right side of some people's faces and on the left side of others'? Even people right next to each other? And why is there a guy running in from the right side, seemingly directly trampling the man in the checked shirt? So many questions.
____________________________________________________________
This poster just doesn't try at all. With its sugary colouring and curly bits it's got a whiff of TV movie. It's very 'Look, it's Diana, take it or leave it'. The vast majority left it.
____________________________________________________________
How to make the story of a slightly creepy nerd seem more enticing? Make it greyer. Well done, everyone.
____________________________________________________________
This joke would work a lot better if the film were about chickens, not turkeys.
____________________________________________________________
The garish layout aside, it's the appends to the title Girl Most Likely that put this on the list. Why would it be suggested that Kristen Wiig might be girl most likely to be a good mum/secret agent/lawyer when those are roles played by completely different people, two of them not girls? This poster is a storm of nonsense.
____________________________________________________________
Haha, women are such harridans, looking on all grumpily while their men have a nice time on a rollercoaster. Maybe they're just weirded out by their male co-stars' bizarre arms.
____________________________________________________________
Very famously covered everywhere because Melissa McCarthy's perfectly normal face has been so heavily photoshopped that she looks like a ghost in an old mirror. So terrible is the work on McCarthy that it takes several minutes before you notice they got the work experience kid to do the cut-out on Sandra Bullock's hair.
____________________________________________________________
This designer really likes white space.
____________________________________________________________
It's a masterpiece of dramatic surrealism. You have Chris Pine about to ride a motorcycle up his own bum. Then there's the helicopter that's crashed, unnoticed, into Keira Knightley's left boob. Marching through it all is a giant Chris Pine without any feet. Have that, Dali.
____________________________________________________________
Sleep well.
____________________________________________________________
It may have become famous due to accusations that it ripped off the idea of a spurned artist, but that doesn't stop the poster for Spike Lee's remake being rubbish. The only way it's even remotely intriguing is if you've already seen the original movie and know what the significance of the box is. The job of a film poster is not to appeal to those already interested but to draw in those coming to it with no prior knowledge.
____________________________________________________________
Very unconvincing CG backgrounds and another serious case of WHY IS EVERYONE LOOKING AT DIFFERENT THINGS?
____________________________________________________________
Nobody would ever have suspected that the 'will this do?' posters from X-Men: First Class would inspire others, and yet here we are...
____________________________________________________________
Another case of over-zealous Photoshop, but only in select cases. Catherine Zeta Jones has been entirely relieved of her jaw, Mary-Louise Parker seems to have had her head enlarged and Anthony Hopkins' body doesn't actually appear to be his own.
____________________________________________________________
Latest
Related Reviews and Shortlists
