We know when Donald Trump is coming to Britain

Lock up your daughters, it’s happening. The President of the United States of America, Donald J Trump, is coming to the UK.

Will it go well? It probably won’t, will it? It’ll probably go, like, really really badly. It’s not a state visit, like Theresa May initially invited him on - that was downgraded after massive public outcry at the idea that he would be able to address Parliament and be granted the honours associated with a proper state visit, like being carted up and down the Mall in a big fancy carriage and banqueting at Buckingham Palace. Instead it’s officially termed a “working holiday”. Downing Street have put out a statement saying he’ll be holding “bilateral talks” with May.

(In one of Trump’s many “well, of course he did” moves, he claimed on Twitter that he’d canceled his state visit himself, saying he did so in disgust at the Obama administration selling the old US Embassy site to build a new one. The sale actually took place under George W Bush’s administration in 2008, and is generally seen as not being a bad move. The timing of Trump deciding he hated the many-years-long process of building a whole new embassy happening to coincide with enormous anti-him protests was of course entirely coincidental.)

When the state visit was canceled in January, London mayor Sadiq Khan said “It appears that President Trump got the message from the many Londoners who love and admire America and Americans but find his policies and actions the polar opposite of our city’s values of inclusion, diversity and tolerance.”

Did he though? He’ll be coming over on Friday July 13th for an as-yet unspecified amount of time. 

Given his uncanny ability to do and say the worst possible thing at any given time, it’s really worth thinking about what he’s got up his sleeve. Will he accuse Sir David Attenborough of having sex with animals? Will he call the newly-born prince an inaccurate and deeply offensive racial slur?

Oh shit. He’s going to ‘grab’ the Queen, isn’t he? Jesus Christ.

(Pic: Getty)