TfL has revealed the hottest Tube line - and it isn't the Central Line

There are many bad things about the Tube – too many people; not enough dogs; that person over there eating tuna; the man who’s leaning against the pole right now, crushing your hand in the process; the inevitable fact that you always end up with someone’s armpit or arse uncomfortably close to your face. And, in the summer, it is the ACTUAL WORST PLACE ON THE PLANET. Sweating bodies pushed close together, deep underground, in unbelievable heat. Remind you of anything?!?!! 

It’s Hell, guys. The joke is that… it’s like… Hell. 

Anyway: most people think the Central line is the hottest Tube line on account of it being really, really hot. But, according to TfL, it’s not.

That accolade actually goes to the Bakerloo Line, which had an average temperature of 27C in 2016 – peaking at 31C in August, which is too hot, isn’t it? It is much, much too hot. It’s likely that the heat is down to the fact that The Bakerloo is also the Underground’s oldest line, so its ventilation systems are pretty badly out of date. 

The Central Line didn’t undeservedly earn its hellish reputation, though – it was the second hottest line of the year, with average temperatures of 26.1C. The coolest, with an average temperature of 18.5C, was the Hammersmith and City line. The full list is below:

• Bakerloo - 27C
• Central - 26.1C
• Northern - 25.2C
• Victoria - 24.1C
• Piccadilly - 23.2C
• Jubilee - 22.9C
• Waterloo & City - 22.2C
• District/Circle/Hammersmith & City/Metropolitan - 18.5C

While the lines at the bottom of the list may seem appealing on the heat front, it’s also worth noting that the District Line has never actually worked – not once. The Circle Line isn’t a real circle, so fuck that, The Hammersmith & City Line comes approximately once every three days, normally when you’re waiting for a Circle Line train, and the Metropolitan Line is perfectly well-functioning, but no one has ever used it.