In-between wearing fatsuits and conversing with the ghosts of dead pets, sometimes bad actors feel the odd pang of guilt. What am I doing with my life? What if no one remembers my legacy? How can I look at myself in the mirror for one more day?
On these days, they'll actually read the scripts they usually skim, go to the meetings they usually get their assistant to attend and say yes to the film they usually turn down because of the long words used in the dialogue.
Here are 40 examples of this actually happening:
(Main image: All Star)
Adam Sandler
Film:Punch-Drunk Love
Year: 2002
Reason for praise: The guy who played a hapless golfer, a hapless waterboy and a hapless wedding singer probably seemed like a natural fit to play a hapless small business owner yet when it's in an indie drama directed by Paul Thomas Anderson, of Magnolia fame, it suddenly makes zero sense. He pulled it off though.
Jennifer Lopez
Film:Out Of Sight
Year: 1998
Reason for praise: It's easy to forget how much hype surrounded Lopez after her feisty performance in this cool Steven Soderbergh crime caper. Mainly because she soon found a niche in formulaic romantic comedies that found her falling over in variously 'cute' ways. Shame.
Keanu Reeves
Film:The Matrix
Year: 1999
Reason for praise: Keanu Reeves has had an inexplicably long career despite an acting style that relies solely on him being confused at all times. It actually worked in this phenomenally successful sci-fi thriller as his character was supposed to be completely shell-shocked throughout. Worked less in the sequels...
Hayden Christensen
Film:Shattered Glass
Year: 2003
Reason for praise: Still known by many as one of the criminals responsible for killing the Star Wars franchise, his flat acting made the second two prequels even harder to watch. But in this fact-based drama, his role as a morally skewed journalist helped to win the film strong reviews.
Marlon Wayans
Film:Requiem For A Dream
Year: 2000
Reason for praise: The co-creator of the Scary Movie series wasn't an obvious choice for Darren Aronofksy's follow-up to π but, beside Oscar-winning actresses Ellen Burstyn and Jennifer Connelly, he made a decent impression. Re-found his niche though with Little Man and White Chicks not long after...
Katie Holmes
Film:Batman Begins
Year: 2005
Reason for praise: Christopher Nolan's reinvention of the superhero saga was perfectly cast all round from Christian Bale's gruff yet soulful Batman to Michael Caine's fatherly Alfred yet the casting of Dawson's Creek star Katie Holmes raised a few eyebrows. They were still left raised until she was replaced by Maggie Gyllenhaal in the sequel.
Nicolas Cage
Film:Leaving Las Vegas
Year: 1995
Reason for praise: It's pretty common to ridicule poor Nicolas Cage these days. After shouting his way through The Wicker Man, Next and Season of the Witch though, it's not like he hasn't been asking for it. It's worth thinking back to his Oscar-winning turn as an alcoholic in this gut-wrenching drama and maybe pretending that he just retired right after.
Heather Graham
Film:Boogie Nights
Year: 1998
Reason for praise: Launching her into a career that would hold such promising films as Lost In Space and Judy Moody and the Not Bummer Summer, her role as Rollergirl in this porn drama was definitely memorable. Might not have been for her acting though. Sorry Heather.
Mike Myers
Film:Inglourious Basterds
Year: 2009
Reason for praise: A small cameo it may have been, but it was definitely a shock seeing The Love Guru crop up in Tarantino's blistering WWII saga. Other than the Shrek films, it's all he's done since 2008.
Matthew McConaughey
Film:Lone Star
Year: 1996
Reason for praise: Best known for being the guy who can't keep his shirt on in romantic comedies you wouldn't even want to watch on a plane, McConaughey actually came onto the scene with a lot of promise back in the day. This John Sayles drama led us to believe he'd be a force to be reckoned with. We was lied to.
Julia Stiles
Film:The Bourne Ultimatum
Year: 2007
Reason for praise: Managing to utilise her scale of emotions (from uninterested to mildly uninterested), her role as an icy operative didn't prove too much of a stretch in the Bourne films. She does however star in the upcoming adaptation of The Bell Jar. Might not work so well...
Cuba Gooding Jr
Film:Jerry Maguire
Year: 1996
Reason for praise: Ah, how we all loved Cuba back in the mid-90s. We even gave him an Oscar. But then Pearl Harbor and Boat Trip and Norbit happened and we all got really angry. If you can remember the last film you saw him in then we'll give you 20p.
Sylvester Stallone
Film:Cop Land
Year: 1997
Reason for praise: Acting alongside Robert De Niro, Harvey Keitel and Ray Liotta is intimidating for any actor but for Sly it was an almost inconceivably tall order. While he'd made some classics, he'd never really found himself in such a challenging position.
Paul Walker
Film:Pleasantville
Year: 1998
Reason for praise: Playing a surfer/person that likes surfing is spot-on for Paul Walker but anything else proves a problem for the human Ken doll. Taking on a role in this intelligent comedy drama gave him an early break and clearly turned him off doing films which include words with more than three syllables.
Kate Hudson
Film:Almost Famous
Year: 2000
Reason for praise: Ah, remember when Kate Hudson wasn't starring in romantic comedies? True, it didn't last long but her Oscar-nominated turn in Cameron Crowe's music drama gave us a dangerous amount of false hope. But since the release, every film she's starred in has been deemed a turkey on Rotten Tomatoes.
Chris Klein
Film:Election
Year: 1999
Reason for praise: If you haven't seen Chris Klein's totally serious and unintentionally brilliant audition for Mamma Mia! then you should now. If you have then you'll be aware of his acting abilities. His role as a goofy, air-headed student in this smart high school satire played to his strengths. Long time ago, mind.
Freida Pinto
Film:Slumdog Millionaire
Year: 2008
Reason for praise: While everyone got wrapped up in the feel-goodness of Danny Boyle's Oscar-winner, it became easy to forget what Freida Pinto actually brought to the table. Her work ever since has further questioned this. Once you've seen Rise of the Planet of the Apes, you'll be even more confused.
Gerard Butler
Film:How To Train Your Dragon
Year: 2010
Reason for praise: Taking time off from starring in romantic comedies aimed at people taking long-haul flights, Butler lent his voice for this Oscar-nominated animation. It's one of the best non-Pixar offerings out there and if the sequel is half as good, he'll be taken off this list immediately.
Jessica Alba
Film:The Killer Inside Me
Year: 2010
Reason for praise: Beautiful as she might be, Jessica Alba just hasn't manages to catch a break. Generously, she takes zero credit for this and instead blames all the directors she's worked with. But after a career based on her looks, she finally let them get well and truly destroyed in this chilling slice of noir.
Tim Allen
Film:Toy Story 3
Year: 2010
Reason for praise: The most successful animated film of all time and one of the few to receive an Oscar nomination for Best Picture, the third film in the franchise (yes, we hear there's going to be a fourth) was a godsend for Allen. His career has veered from bad to worse of late (bad being The Santa Clause and worse being The Santa Clause 3).
Tara Reid
Film:The Big Lebowski
Year: 1998
Reason for praise: Before she managed to become Hollywood's poster girl for why getting drunk and having plastic surgery were both dangerous, Reid played against type as an airhead in the Coen Brothers classic. At least she came back to star as every single role in the sequel. Let's just hope she got the joke...
Vin Diesel
Film:Saving Private Ryan
Year: 1998
Reason for praise: It's hard to remember a Vin Diesel who wasn't stealing cars and/or fighting aliens but his repetitive resume received an early jump start with a role in Steven Spielberg's WWII drama. Next to be seen in 6 Fast 6 Furious or whatever it's called...
Sofia Coppola
Film:The Godfather: Part III
Year: 1990
Reason for praise: Not really her fault but Sofia Coppola is not a natural actress. Agreeing to star as a favour to her dad, her skills were limited to say the least. It didn't stop the film from being nominated for seven Oscars though. Thankfully, she acts no more.
Katherine Heigl
Film:Knocked Up
Year: 2007
Reason for praise: Before she starred in enough romantic comedies to make your teeth rot and your stomach ache, Katherine Heigl managed to make this unconventional relationship with Seth Rogen work in the hit Apatow film. Of course she publicly disowned the film after. We guess it was out of character for her to star in something watchable.
Andie MacDowell
Film:Groundhog Day
Year: 1993
Reason for praise: Back in the 90s, Andie Macdowell was considered human enough to be deemed a believable living and speaking person in a number of high-profile movies. But when she wasn't feeling no rain, she was starring alongside Bill Murray in this damn-near-perfect comedy.
Kevin Pollak
Film:The Usual Suspects
Year: 1995
Reason for praise: Mainly cropping up in comedies that question the very definition of the word (The Santa Clause 3, Dr.Dolittle 2, Grumpier Old Men, The Whole Ten Yards'), Kevin Pollak was also allowed to see what the set of a non-sequel, non-turkey looked like back in the mid-90s. No such look since though.
John Travolta
Film:Pulp Fiction
Year: 1994
Reason for praise: After starring in Look Who's Talking Now (when the animals start talking as well), Travolta's career received an adrenaline shot to the chest in Tarantino's crime classic. Since then, it could do with another. From Battlefield Earth to Old Dogs, something needs to be done.
Zac Efron
Film:Me & Orson Welles
Year: 2009
Reason for praise: The High School Musical star ditched the corridor wailing to star in Dazed and Confused director Richard Linklater's period comedy and while co-star Christian McKay received all the plaudits, it was a rare ray of hope for Efron.
Gary Busey
Film:Thunderbolt & Lightfoot
Year: 1974
Reason for praise:Entourage viewers will at least be aware that Busey is comfortable with laughing at himself. Which is good, given a career that's included roles in The Gingerdead Man and Slap Shot 2: Breaking The Ice. It has also included an Oscar nomination (?!?) and a role in this Clint classic. Recent work has included being completely crazy.
Mariah Carey
Film:Precious
Year: 2009
Reason for praise: When your biggest role was playing a singer in a Razzie-sweeping film called Glitter, there's nowhere else to go but up. Still, no-one could have predicted that Carey would "dress down" for a tough drama about abuse to play a social worker. Worked out though. Nothing since however.
Eddie Murphy
Film:48 Hrs
Year: 1982
Reason for praise: Back before he started getting really annoying, Eddie Murphy was a fresh and funny presence in the 80s. In his debut film, he was kind of a big deal. Cut forward to the 90s, 00s and 10s and the good films were few and far between. Holy Man? Norbit? Meet Dave? The Adventures Of Pluto Nash? Jesus.
Eric Roberts
Film:The Dark Knight
Year: 2008
Reason for praise: God love the guy, he tries. If IMDb is to be believed, Eric Roberts has 14 movies out this year. from past experience however, we doubt any will be worth watching. Even ironically. But back in 2008, in-between starring in Witless Protection and Light Years Away, he also starred in a little film about Batman...
Lindsay Lohan
Film:Mean Girls
Year: 2004
Reason for praise: Back when she was just a simple, drug-free girl who was legally allowed to leave her house, Lohan made a strong impression in Tina Fey's biting high school comedy. Now, she's sadly limited to doing things like this.
Josh Hartnett
Film:Black Hawk Down
Year: 2001
Reason for praise: Given a variety of leading man roles in the late 90s/early 00s, Hollywoood soon wised up and dropped Josh Hartnett like a dirty penny. His best film came from Ridley Scott who gave him the lead in the frenetic war drama. He was last seen by no-one in films that you haven't heard of.
David Caruso
Film:King Of New York
Year: 1990
Reason for praise: If overacting was the same as good acting. damn if Caruso wouldn't be up there with the greats. Instead, his shouty shtick has become a thorn in the side of anyone with fully functional eyes and ears. Back in this simpler time, he was starring alongside Christopher Walken and being directed by Abel Ferrara. Many, many years have since passed.
Orlando Bloom
Film:The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King
Year: 2003
Reason for praise: While the acting may not have been the main focus of the trilogy, the cast were still a solid ensemble from Ian McKellen to Viggo Mortensen. Bloom landed on his feet with a central role in each film, just as his profile was gaining. We hate to see he peaked but he totally peaked. All over the shop.
Kyle MacLachlan
Film:Blue Velvet
Year: 1986
Reason for praise: Okay so maybe his stilted acting style made some sort of sense in David Lynch's surreal classic but ever since, it's been a major distraction. Okay, maybe it made sense in Showgirls too...
Tom Arnold
Film:True Lies
Year: 1994
Reason for praise: The incredibly fun James Cameron action comedy (remember when he had a sense of humour?) cast Tom Arnold, star of The Stupids and the life of Roseanne, as Arnie's wacky best friend. We can't see Arnold cropping up in Avatar 2. He's far too busy making a film called Jewtopia with Jennifer Love Hewitt.
Ice Cube
Film: Three Kings
Year: 1999
Reason for praise: The rapper-turned-actor-turned-screenwriter (no, really) has managed to be an impossible to remember replacement for Vin Diesel in XXX: State Of The Union and was outacted by an animatronic snake in Anaconda. But in this smart Gulf War flick, he found himself in a vaguely believable situation, acting alongside real people!
Stephen Dorff
Film:Somewhere
Year: 2010
Reason for praise: Taking time off from starring in films like Botched (an Irish/Russian comedy horror about Ivan the Terrible) and Shadowboxer (a crime drama where Helen Mirren plays Cuba Gooding Jr's lover and stepmother), Dorff took the lead in Sofia Coppola's award-winning indie. He did play an actor though.
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