You can now buy the old Alton Towers log flume on eBay

Because I’m a millennial and therefore spend all my money on… *looks at hand* Tinder superlikes of avocados, I will never own a flat, let alone an actual house. Destined to live in the same damp, boxy flat for the rest of my life, I will never have a lawn to put off mowing or plants to… water? I don’t know, I don’t know what you do in the garden precisely because I will never, ever have a garden. 

If I did, though, I would definitely spend thousands of pounds filling it with weird Alton Towers log flume paraphernalia. 

AND: it turns out that this is a thing I could literally, actually do now, if I had thousands of pounds and a garden with room for various Alton Towers log flume paraphernalia. Which I don’t. 

But if I did:

I would definitely buy this.

Or this:

Yes: Alton Towers has put a bunch of its log flume equipment on eBay. 30 flume boats, the height board, the ‘no splashing’ rules – it’s all there. 

The auction is designed to raise money for Merlin’s Magic Wand, a charity that supports disabled children. Bids started at 99p but many items have already hit the £1,000 mark with a week left to go on the auctions.

Alton Towers has suggested a few uses for the old flumes, including ‘period bath tub’, ‘garden planter’, ‘dog bath’, ‘fish pond’ and ‘themed bed’. Reminds us of something...

Sleeping in a single bed made up of an old Alton Towers log flume you bought for over a thousand pounds on the internet: the perfect way to show that Tinder date you’re a viable, long term prospect! 

(Images: eBay)