Every Mario Kart weapon, ranked in order of absolute bastardness

The Nintendo Switch 2 is very nearly upon us, and so in just a matter of days we’re going to be diving into Mario Kart World, the first new Mario Kart game in over a decade and the first one to offer a free roaming mode alongside traditional races.

We’re naturally very excited about this, and with Mario Kart very much on our minds, we’ve decided to rank the items players have been using to gain an advantage in Nintendo’s long-running kart racing series since it debuted with 1992’s Super Mario Kart.

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This list isn’t completely exhaustive, and not every item featured appears in every entry, but put it this way: if it’s either ruined your day or given you precious bragging rights over your mates before, it’s in here.

17. Coin

To the uninitiated, the coin can feel like a punishment for being in first place. This item is far more likely to appear when you’re winning, and as it doesn’t have any offensive qualities, seeing it pop up in your inventory can be disappointing. Sure, it’s nice to unlock new karts, gliders and wheels in later entries, but what use is that to you in a current race? Well, not everyone knows that coins also give you minor speed boosts that stack over the course of a lap, so if effectively farmed you can gain an even larger lead on all the losers scrapping it out for shells behind you.

16. Super Leaf

The Super Leaf was an item in Mario Kart 7, and functioned much like Mario’s famous Tanooki Suit. The furry tail that sprouts out of your kart’s rear can be used to whip other racers and bat away shells and bananas. It’s no more or less useful than a lot of the other hybrid defensive and attacking items, but wins bonus points because a car with an animal tail looks pretty funny.

15. Super Horn

The ultimate anti-bastard item, having a Super Horn in your arsenal is the best way of protecting yourself against that evil Spiny Shell, with its blast radius being capable of knocking the notorious projectile away if timed properly. It can also be used as a weapon against other racers, but if you’re in first place and are fortunate enough to nab a Super Horn, you’ll want to hold onto it to prevent one of those last-second crash-outs with the finish line mere metres away that can ruin an entire week.

14. Mushroom

Appearing in every Mario Kart game to date, the Mushroom is priceless when deployed at the right time, but it can also get you into a right mess. Activate the speed boost while you’re using a shortcut or on a patch of grass that would otherwise slow you down and you’ll find yourself overtaking for fun. Accidentally use it right before a tight turn on Rainbow Road, however, and you’re probably going to be in a bit of trouble. If you’re really good, a well-timed Mushroom can also help you dodge the dreaded Blue Shell.

13. Triple Mushroom

On paper, the Triple Mushroom is superior to the standard Mushroom. Why settle for one burst of acceleration when you can have three? But when one of these lands in your lap it’s easy to get a bit over-excited and use all three at once. This is fine if you’re on a straight, or a rough-terrain shortcut, but fire them all off at the wrong time and you might be made to pay for your eagerness. An item to embrace, for sure, but patience is key.

12. Blooper

While not as devastating as some other weaponised items, getting hit with a Blooper can be a nightmare on a track with lots of tight corners. The ink the squid-like creature sprays all over the screen makes it very hard to hit a good drift unless you really know the layout, so more often than not you’ll go from the Mushroom Kingdom’s answer to Lewis Hamilton, to an overly cautious Sunday driver, to avoid any incidents. It always feels like the effect lasts a couple of seconds longer than it should do, but at least other racers are in the same boat.

11. Bullet Bill

The great leveller. More often than not the game is going to serve this up to you when you’re trailing in last, and therefore really benefit from temporarily turning into a rocket that either speeds past or smashes into other racers to get you back in contention. It’s basically a necessity if you’ve had a few crashes and lost a lot of ground, but it also scores high on the bastard-ometer as probably the second most powerful item in the game after the Spiny Shell, and a bit of a cheat code. If you get one of these, you can’t help but feel like the game is patting you on the head a bit, but all that shame washes away when you’ve whizzed past five other players in as many seconds.

10. Lightning

Like the Bullet Bill, this one is a godsend for those at the back of the pack, and a proper pain in the arse for everyone else. There are few things more annoying than losing an item you’ve been holding onto for a perfect moment because someone nearly a full lap behind you has struck everyone else with a bolt of lightning. And if that wasn’t enough, you also shrink down to tiny size, making driving awkward. As only the character who has used the Lightning is immune from its effects, you can usually ride it out without losing your position, but it’s annoying all the same.

9. Starman

Just like in Mario platformers, picking up a Starman (or Super Star as it’s also known) grants you temporary invincibility, which is always helpful in a Mario Kart race where danger is waiting around every corner. For everyone else, the Starman is to be feared, as coming into contact with the powered-up driver is bad news. You’ll also watch them whizz along rough terrain with no impact on their speed, which is annoying. Great if it’s yours, and a source of envy for everyone else.

8. Fireball

The Fireball is an agent of chaos in Mario Kart. Unlike a shell weapon, of which you can only fire one at a time (unless it’s a Triple Shell), the Fireball lets you shoot a number of flames in quick succession, which are capable of bouncing off walls like a Green Shell can. Getting hit by a Fireball causes your kart to spin out, which is preferable to the more scientifically accurate alternative of the whole thing going up in flames, but it’s still not something you want to be dealing with.

7. Bob-omb

The Bob-omb is one of Nintendo’s greatest inventions, and they play a starring role in a number of Mario RPGs. But the tragic existence of the brave Bob-omb isn’t really something you’ll be thinking about when someone chucks one at you in a Mario Kart race. This is another offensive item that you can throw in front of you with little thought, but it’s a lot more satisfying when you’re able to wait until a cluster of racers can be targeted at the same time, with good aim, and smiling as you zoom past the victims of the blast radius. You can also attempt to use it defensively as you would a Banana or Green Shell, but for hopefully obvious reasons, don’t drag a ticking bomb behind your kart for long.

6. Banana

The smiling Banana has featured in every Mario Kart game in the mainline series, and much like bananas in real life, you should never say no to one. The best thing about the Banana is its versatility. If you trust your aim, there are few thrills in a Mario Kart race like launching a Banana directly into the path of the racer currently in front of you and overtaking them to clinch the win at the death. Similarly, conservative players can also hang a Banana from the back of their kart as a shield for incoming shells. In the right hands, the Banana is all you really need.

5. Green Shell

The Green Shell is the most objectively funny item in Mario Kart, because it’s the one you’re most likely to hit yourself with after sending it bouncing wildly between the walls of the track. That nets it some bastard points for sure. It’s also perhaps the most satisfying weapon to use, because hitting a rival racer with one actually requires a bit of skill (or plain luck) and good aim. And that’s before we get to its defensive qualities, with the Green Shell functioning the same as the Banana when dragged behind your kart. It’s less of a sure thing than its red or blue counterparts, but always good to have in tow.

4. Piranha Plant

In Mario Kart, the Piranha Plant can be both friend and foe. You’re going to see these guys dotted around various courses waiting for you to drive by, at which point if you’re too close you’re going to get gobbled. Some will even breathe fireballs at you. Stay well away, basically. But in Mario Kart 8 Nintendo had the ingenious idea of making the Piranha Plant an obtainable item, too. When activated it will stick out the front of your kart, destroying obstacles and lunging at other racers. You’ll feel like the Mushroom Kingdom’s answer to Poison Ivy, and everyone else will hate you. Great stuff.

3. Triple Banana

Nintendo has experimented with several multi-Banana item pickups, but settled on the Triple Banana from Mario Kart DS onward. Functionally they’re pretty much the same as the standard Banana, only you get three to use as you please. 3x the Banana = 3x the bastardness.

2. Red Shell

The Green Shell, but better. This recurring item’s homing abilities mean that more often than not you’re going to hit an opponent, providing they aren’t ready to counter it with a defensive pickup of their own. The Red Shell is definitely less of a bastard than the Green Shell if you’re the one holding it, as it’s much harder to self-sabotage with, but a big bastard for everyone else, as unless you’re holding an item capable of nullifying it there isn’t a lot you can do when you see one of these careening towards you.

1. Spiny Shell (aka ‘The Blue Shell’)

It was never in any doubt, was it? Taking the crown of Ultimate Mario Kart Bastard, it always had to be the Spiny Shell, more commonly known as the Blue Shell. A Mario Kart mainstay since Mario Kart 64, there is simply no more cruel weapon in all of video games than the Spiny Shell. This famously blue-coloured demon is out to do one thing and one thing only: take out the racer enjoying their well-earned first place in a race and snatch victory from them. The threat of the Spiny Shell means you can never really relax in a Mario Kart race, even if you hold one of the few items capable of fighting back against it. Getting hit with one of these never feels anything less than desperately unfair, but it’s what makes Mario Kart such a good party game: anything can happen.

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